Amidst great outrage in India, it has emerged that AIADMK chief Jayalalithaa has been instrumental in choosing the nubile young women currently cheerleading in ICC World T20 in Sri Lanka. The island nation had outsourced the job of selecting attractive cheerleaders to India. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, happy at the opportunity of doing something remotely helpful for an adjacent country at least, if not his own, had prepared a bevy of what he described as gori-chitti totta Punjabi mundiya. However, he had to pass this list through the Tamil Nadu government under a Constitutional rule that no decision pertaining to a neighbouring country can be taken by the Centre without the explicit written approval of the government of the Indian state nearest to that country.

So when this list was presented to Chief Minister Jayalalithaa, she immediately objected to the lack of Tamil girls in it. Under the ruse of increasing the representation of local Tamils in the World Cup, she replaced all the girls with the incredibly beautiful ones employed at the grounds all over the country. Although players of many countries have not been particularly happy with these sultry sirens, Indian cricketers have in general voiced approval of these women. True to their nature, players from Delhi were at the forefront of whistling and hooting at the cheerleaders. The majority of Indian viewers however, born and brought upon the staple diet of hot blonde cheerleaders of Vijay Mallya, expressed displeasure at the choice.

Inspired by Jayalalithaa’s act, leaders from other states have also begun trying to influence neighbouring countries. Mamata Banerjee, in her eternal paranoia, demanded that Bangladesh should be declared a communist state. Narendra Modi proposed a dry Pakistan. Mayawati wanted to adorn the Himalayan country of Nepal with stunning statues of herself. Meanwhile, Raj Thackeray, seeing that someone from Uttar Pradesh had made a demand, demanded India (the large country that borders his country Maharashtra from three sides) should beat up people of UP and Bihar and oust them from his territory.

Coming back to the cheerleading fiasco, the move is expected to increase the soft power of the state of Tamil Nadu in a very novel way. Said AIADMK’s spokesperson, “Recently we have seen this particular category of films called Mallu erotica take the country by storm. We realize that we have similar women and can create a niche for Tullu erotica.”