All was fine as India’s first lady, Ms. Sonia Gandhi was having her morning tea when the acting first man, Manmohan Singh fetched the newspaper for her. But as soon as her eyes fell on the headline which said that her son-in-law, Robert Vadra was involved in very “legal” deals with DLF, she was left flabbergasted. Arvind Kejriwal, the dreaded vigilante who was giving nightmares to the party of looters, now had his eye on the beloved Rashtriya Jamaai.
“It is time for action,” Sonia shouted, spitting out the tea on her faithful servant. An immediate meeting of the elite brains of her party was called.
As Mr. Kejriwal turned his burning torch of righteousness on their beloved damaad, the elite brains of the Congress thought he would burn him too. They suddenly doubled his triply-undeserved security and deleted his Facebook account, fearing that Team Kejriwal might send in a fire sail, Die Hard style.
“Let today be Raksha Vadran Day,” Rahul Gandhi tried to inspire his colleagues. “It will be the same as the Raksha Bandhan Day, except that instead of behen, you are supposed to defend your (my) behenoi.” And hence began the mission to defend Vadra—
At the press conference, the Congress initiated its trademark defence by vehemently criticizing Kejriwal. They said that it would not tolerate any attack on the nation’s son-in-law, even though he may quite soon become an outlaw. “It is an attack on the party; it is an attack on the ideals of scam and loot which UPA believes in,” said the spokesperson Manish Tewari. “There is a limit and this harakiri must stop here. This is unacceptable and we condemn it, much like every terrorist attack we do!”
A reporter from NTMN asked, “Sir, please decide whether Mr. Robert Vadra is a public personality or a private individual—because your version and the version given by DLF do not concur with each other.” To this, the Congressman turned red with rage, “What a useless question, don’t you people understand that Robert Vadra is a Private Individual with Public Privileges? After all he is the Rashtriya Jamaai. Isn’t he entitled to enjoy his due privileges?”
Extending the defence further, Kapil Sibal added, “Robert is so smart. How can you attack someone so smart? He actually knows the meaning of ‘banana republic’. How many of you can claim that kind of proficiency in the English verbiage and international geopolitics?”
In related news, BJP is feeling cheated, as their around-the-Gadkari-belly deal was anulled by DLF as a precautionary measure. DLF issued a statement stating that from now on they will not deal with any political party whose Scam Index shoots above 3 per month. BJP lamented that they are inexperienced and got caught easily.