#Society Offbeat

And, the VIP Awards for the “Very Insane People” of Delhi go to…

Last weekend was witness to one of the greatest extravaganzas Delhi has hosted in its illustrious history. The annual VIP awards, hosted by the WSS—We Serve Shit Association of New Delhi—was concluded with great fanfare, aftereffects of which are still echoing through the deserted halls of newspaper offices where press members assigned to cover the event haven’t shown up, and are said to be recovering at home.

A first of its kind, VIP or “Very Insane People of Delhi Awards” honour the unsung heroes, who are often overlooked for their generous contributions to the rapidly progressing trait of Insane Public Behaviour. Following are the Top Four categories of the highest civilian honours bestowed at the event:

#1 The “Mere Andar Jhaank ke Dekho” Award:
This category of Awards was meant to propagate the ideology that denies the existence of the words “waist line for men”. The Jeans, Pants and Trousers of men under this category have a mind blowing record of never touching their waistlines. These people have made a special contribution in educating women about men’s underwear brands such as Jockey, Rupa, etc. giving Bollywood stars a run for their money. The Association was immensely pleased in honouring 50 men under this category, many of whom can be found roaming in the DU Campus.

#2 The “Meri Dilli, Mera Bathroom” Award:
“Vasudhaiv Kutumbakam”, i.e. everyone should be treated like a family member. But a few minute observers have been able to decipher that if Humans are their Siblings and Earth their Home, then Delhi is their Bathroom. The nominees under this category have left no stones unturned in creating the wonderful odour around them with the help of some good Physical Manoeuvre involving the Excretory System of the Body. Also, they are very friendly with the plants and feel no hesitation in wetting them with the contents of their bladder.

#3 The “Official Club for Pappi and Chumma” Award:
Awarded to victims of Cupid (or perhaps just raging hormones)—love-struck couples who have grown up watching KJo movies had been nominated under this category. The Association appreciated the effort being made by these couples in disturbing the milieu, wherever they are. The passion for their goal (to produce children; surely they’re aware such “activities” may result in progeny) is highly impressive. The winners shall form a part of the Official delegation to China, where problems like Birth Control have made a very deteriorating effect, resulting in some serious Population Control. They shall be made to teach people how to put in the best efforts to achieve this goal. Mr. Emraan Hashmi, on whose request the Award has been initiated, has plans of opening a Kissing School seeing the rising number of interested people.

#4 The “Jaa Chudail” Award:
This Award went to the Wild Women in public places. These women were lauded for creating wonderful fights at various public places out of NO genuine reasons—only to entertain the “headset”-less people around them. Their fights ensure that women in the society can always find reasons to convict men of harassment even though not all men try to touch them intentionally and that “I-am-getting-bored” fellows get something interesting to see and enjoy. A critics’ award was given to women who provide daily entertainment, especially in public transport. Brand Ambassador Ms. Rakhi Sawant was present to (dis)grace the occasion.

The award winners are delighted with this upgrade in status and are looking forward to getting nominated again next year with even more outrageous and embarrassing achievements to boast of. WSS has plans to go national next year, as the rest of India also shows great promise to raise the bar and give the citizens of Delhi a real challenge. It remains to be seen which region trumps the capital, or will Delhi once again reign? Only time will tell… but before that, you can catch it on India TV.

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Shagun Sinha

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