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By Jan 27, 2013 • The News Pages

Each employee's salary hike will be directly proportional to bribes being currently received by him

Most government employees across India are all set to receive hikes up to 200% in their pay packet. It appears that the Centre will announce this plan in the upcoming Union Budget. In fact, the new structure will be so designed that the hike in an employee’s salary will be directly proportional to the bribes being currently received by that employee (the data shall be considered only till January, to discourage last minute laggards). As with all other reforms announced till date, the benefit to the common man will be immediate, and undeniable.

The rationale behind the move is simple, and, as simple things often are, brilliant. The raised salary, the government hopes, will “prevent officials from taking bribes” and “citing ‘procedure’ as an excuse for even tsunamis”. This will circumvent the need for much of the bureaucratic red tape, and soon make it extinct. Most importantly, the government will also then be able to fulfill the long-existing demands of the public, i.e. strengthening anti-corruption and bribery laws.

End to bribery?

The strategic move to discourage corruption is another bold reform in this month of bolder reforms, and heralds yet more reforms, bolder still.

A “green” move?: Our source also shed some light on the other, not-so-apparent benefits of the move. “This is a green move, an environmental move. India is determined to make its mark as a green country,” he said. How? Obviously, paper work will reduce as issues will be dealt with quickly and without bribes. “Some of our best offices used to produce twenty times the necessary paper work,” he confided. This should change now. It is now known for a fact that the initial targets of the Kyoto Protocol on climate change were met solely by privatizing state-run utilities! Privatization meant a massive saving in pulp, paper and pollution. This practice is in favour even today. Other savings shall include office stationery (notably clips and staples), and storage space. Not to get one’s hopes up, but the DRR (or Document Retrieval Rate) for issues pending over a decade, should also go up considerably. The move may even finally coerce sarkari offices to go digital, instead of having a desktop to no apparent effect.

Clerks earning more than bosses! A brief investigation into existing pay rolls threw up another “anomaly” however. Since the hike in salaries will be proportional to the bribes being currently received, many clerks are all set to draw more money than their bosses in administration! There has been no official statement about this anomaly yet.

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