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Impressed by Narendra Modi’s electoral success, Rahul Gandhi decides to marry him

Defends decision, says, "Not very uncommon in Nehru–Gandhi family to marry for political reasons"

In a recent development that might come as a complete surprise to many, Rahul Gandhi has decided to marry Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi. He said in a hurriedly-invited press conference that Modi’s electoral success and feat of winning 182 seats out of 116 impressed and inspired him in equal proportions. This also means an end to the long-standing long-distance relationship between Rahul Gandhi and Veronique Cartelli, a Spanish architect who lives in Venezuela.

“Mr. Modi has impressed me tremendously. His ability to attract huge crowds is simply mind-blowing. He might be BJP’s PM candidate for 2014 Lok Sabha polls. So, this will also help me enhance my political image. With so many rapes and protests, Modi is the only man who is still drawing women’s attention. And you know what, Modi is still single, although married. He has defied even Mahatma in this respect. I wish he writes some of his Experiments with Truth after we marry,” said Rahul, albeit a little shyly.

Narendra-Modi-Rahul-GandhiHe also added that it is not very uncommon in Nehru–Gandhi family to marry for political reasons. He believes that he did not want to discontinue the family tradition. He also added that he is a strong adherent of the unsaid maxim, “Gandhi family must rule India”, but the chances of him (Rahul) continuing the tradition seem bleak. So by marrying Modi, he would derive the vicarious pleasure of Gandhi ruling India through the spouse.

When asked about the legal implications of his act, he said that he is very thankful to the Delhi High Court of India which legalized homosexuality in 2009. “Sex is my birthright and I shall have it. I like people who are extroverts but Veronique was a bloody architect.”

Sonia Gandhi has expressed shock and resentment at her son’s decision. “I was looking for an Italian, Spanish, English or some other European girl for my son. This way whatever she would speak would not be understood by the media, and they would not be able to distort her statements. But Rahul has disappointed me,” she confessed.

Mulayam Singh Yadav has said this is a political gimmick by the two leading political parties to uproot the Third Front from India. The people were surprised to know if there was one in the first place.

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has not said anything on the matter. He called a press conference and sat and sat for 10 minutes, all silent, and at the end of it coyly looked up and said, “Theek hai”. Occasionally when asked various questions by the media, he smiled in acknowledgement of their presence. Congress has decided to contact Tom Hooper, the director of award-winning English movie The King’s Speech.

Salman Khan has expressed shock at this disclosure. That makes him the “undisputed winner of the Most Eligible Bachelor title”. “I always felt a kind of psychological comfort that Rahul was there with me. He has broken my trust.” Meanwhile, Aishwarya Rai’s daughter has just puked and wetted her diapers for the fourth consecutive time in the last hour. Abhishek Bachhan was not around to take care of her as he is still trying to find out what caused Idea to shift from him to the Hunny Bunny ad campaign.

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Kartikeya Negi

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