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Tobacco companies to provide free sachet of sacred cow urine with their products

In what seems to be a desperate move of tobacco lobbying, the government is planning to make it mandatory for tobacco companies to provide a free sachet of gomutra with their products.

This decision was made in a long debate, on whether tobacco causes cancer or not according to Indian studies.

Both sides were fiercely debated, ancient Ayurvedic manuscripts and Vedas were consulted to resolve the issue but there was no end to the deadlock. A solution was finally reached when a local BJP leader came up with this brilliant breakthrough.

Jeff, 'the diseased lung' is happy with the hardcore tobacoo lobbying

Jeff, ‘the diseased lung’ is happy with the hardcore tobacoo lobbying

WHO studies are western hence unreliable

Speaking to Crimes Now, a leading English news and speculation channel, the BJP leader said, “There can be no agreement on whether tobacco causes cancer. Everyone has different opinion regarding this.

“The WHO reports are unreliable as they are western. The effectiveness of pictorial warnings is also not established. Picture depicting lungs of smokers will have little effect when most people don’t know what normal healthy lungs look like.”

Cow piss is always the solution

“However there is an obvious solution to the problem, there is unanimous agreement that gomutra is 100-percent effective in curing cancer and this fact has been established by countless India-specific studies done independently of western agencies, we need a law that makes it mandatory for tobacco companies to provide sachets of gomutra with cigarettes, bidis and other tobacco products,” the BJP leader explained his logic.

The suggestion has been welcomed by the top BJP leadership and the tobacco companies. Not surprisingly, bhakts have also agreed to this move calling it, “a brilliant solution which reflects the pragmatic attitude of the current government.”

About the author

Kaushik Rajbongshi

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