The world is finding new ways of keeping fit, none more so than Sonali, a supporter of football club Attentionvilla, who has found a way to burn the calories while simultaneously attending to her needs of external validation and internal narcissism.
It was an accident that made her stumble onto the secret. Like any other day, she had been busy clicking selfies of herself in the washroom, instantly uploading them to Instagram, Twitter and a couple more million social networking websites since the last night. Just as she exited the room, she stumbled, knocked a lamp and somehow landed heavily on the weighing machine in her room. In what can only be described as a miracle, she had lost 200 gms. overnight!
She had just found the solution to all the first-world problems in third-world countries. “Tapping the screen while clicking selfies helps my fingers get much needed exercise. My pout while posing creates an aerodynamic effect that allows my body to burn fat.” Overnight, Sonali has become a lose-weight-selfie-pundit and is consulting millions of affected individuals in the country.
Sonali describes this as a win-win situation, where the body, the ego, the fingers, everyone wins except maybe common sense.
In related news, The Landscapes Association of India (because there’s an association for everything, isn’t it?) has filed a petition in the Supreme court asking for a ban on selfie cameras on cellphones. “People go to fancy hill stations, point mobiles at beautiful landscapes and still end up clicking their selfies. What about us?” The tea garden landscape from Darjeeling pleaded to the reporters.
Meanwhile, smartphone companies have decided to do away with screens on smartphones altogether. Instead of screens, all future smartphones will now have 5-6 inch mirrors to fuel more narcissism and self-obsession.