#Governance-and-Civic-Issues Staff Picks

New cars for 12-year-olds and drunkards can travel on dividers and footpaths


New evidence has come to light that the automobile industry is trying to build cars which can travel on dividers and footpaths. These cars will be designed to meet the needs of 12-year-olds and drunkards.

Sources have confirmed that this prototype vehicle is a pilot project under the Modi government’s “ache din” initiative.

Solution to traffic congestion finally?

“Well, of course, Modiji wants his proposed smart cities to be free from trivial problems like traffic congestion, and since there isn’t enough space to build roads anymore—he’s trying to build a vehicle that doesn’t require roads at all,” the transport minister Nitin Gadkari told the press.

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Has technology gone too far?

Apparently, these new cars—if such a term can be used—will be able to travel on dividers, potholes, and even laterally on two wheels. “Just imagine all the extra parking space we’ll have,” said a starry-eyed upper-middle-class BJP supporter, who has 4 cars in a family of three.

“A truly two-in-one car”

He continued, “My 12-year-old son has recently started driving, and it’s a relief to know that the government is making a vehicle especially beneficial for children like him. Maybe 5–6 years down the line, he will start drinking with his friends too and the car will still come in handy then.”

Subramaniam Swamy: The idea is plagiarised

Subramaniam Swamy, meanwhile accused the car companies of having plagiarised the idea. “In the time of Ayodhya, Lord Ram used to travel by cars that glided on rocks. Our rishis have seen it with their eyes. We came up with this idea first. Sab kuch ved me likha hai.

When asked about the feasibility of this project, Valluru Vishwasadhan, President of the Association of Outstanding and Undervalued Engineers of India (AOUEI), enthusiastically reiterated technical jargon and numerous scientific facts and terms. “Of course, if there’s any nation in the world which has the capability to build such a vehicle, it is ours. After all, we have more engineers than girls in this country!”

Rich boys get to test it first

When questioned about the long-term prospects of this project, our sources told us that while this technology was currently being tested only on the high-end luxury cars and 12-year-olds from the richest families, plans were in pipeline to soon make it available to the average household too. So in the near future, expect your Maruti to glide over the dividers like a charm!


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Prateek Singhal

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