#Politics (Modi Days)

Government bans “green peas” thinking it’s an anti-national NGO

Continuing with the ban brigade, the government of India has banned green peas confusing the vegetable with the NGO. Stating that green peas sounds like an anti-national NGO that is involved in activities detrimental to the country’s development, the government took the boldest step it could possibly take, i.e., ban it.

The ban was based on the report by Intelligence Bureau which concluded that the activities of Green Peas have had a negative effect of 2-3% per annum on the GDP. Using a calculator and GDP formula, we were able to determine that this effect amounts to 3.3 lakh crore rupees.

Our correspondent Kekdekar spoke to Mr. Development Shah of the ruling party.

Kekdekar: Sir, are these numbers true?

Development Shah: Absolutely. These NGOs are the reason for poverty in our country. Every time we plan to build something big, these people start objecting to it stating some environmental reasons. They also get shady foreign funds and use it against our country and that is why we have banned them.

Kekdekar: Many political parties get funds from other countries and they also don’t reveal it.

Development Shah: The funds that we receive are for nation building. They are donated by patriotic NRIs so it’s a completely different scenario. Please don’t compare both. These NGOs use funds to protest against coal mining, construction of nuclear plants – and worst of all – for religious conversions.

Kekdekar: Don’t you think they have a right to ask questions on behalf of the people?

Development Shah: These rights should only be used when our government is in opposition, not when we are the incumbent. Moreover, progress of some people means degradation of life for others. Someone has to take it for the team and that’s the way it has always been. The rich get richer and the poor get death poorer; focus on the first half. You have to be optimistic to survive in this world.

Kekdekar: World Bank has said the India’s GDP is reduced by 5.7% per annum because of environmental degradation. What is your take on that?

Development Shah: Haha, it’s all a conspiracy. Those numbers are wrong and it is a plot to defame India. We will ban that report.

Talking to some high profile sources – Mr. Shah’s mother – revealed that he never liked green peas since childhood. “I think this childhood angst is the reason for this decision. If you can’t beat them, ban them.”

At last, Mr. Shah was seen booking tickets for Mr. Modi on MakeMyTrip and crossing off green peas from his ban bucket list.

About the author

Shridhar Kurlageri

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