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Govt blames western influence for rape, bans Hollywood films

Ban on Hollywood movies is among the latest bans that has been imposed in India.

After a thorough research by government sponsored think tanks, it was concluded that Hollywood movies are the main reason behind the increase in number of rape incidents. Government took swift and completely logical action and has banned all Hollywood movies.

There had been a lot of reasons presented to the government by various think tanks across the country. Few among them were increase in the consumption of chow-mein among the youth , girls wearing revealing clothes like salwar kameez and burqa, co-ed schools, Valentines day, eating non-veg during the month of Shravan and western culture. All of these reasons were considered seriously during the investigation and have also been identified as valid reasons.

Government is contemplating on coming up with various laws to prevent rapes in India. Few of them are as follows:

  • Meat ban during the month of Shravan – The logic behind this law is that consuming only vegetarian food during the holy month of Shravan would purify the soul and keep sexual thoughts at bay for the whole year.
    The new national emblem of India as proposed by all the politicians.

    The new national emblem of India as proposed by all the politicians.

  • Ban on chow mein –  Government took this reason proposed by a khap panchayat leader seriously and conducted a detailed research into it. Government is contemplating a ban on chow mein for six days in a week.
  • Chow mein will be available in restaurants only on Sunday. This one day of laxity was permitted because of the popularity of chow mein among youth and government did not want to lose its popularity among this vote bank.

  • Government has decided to ban Valentines day – Instead it will be celebrated as second Raksha Bandhan day of the year. To provide girls with another chance to tie Rakhi to those guys who were successful at avoiding the girls on Raksha Bandhan. The logic being more the girls tie Rakhi, less the chance they have of getting raped.

Meanwhile, the mainstream media has been covering the ban on Hollywood movies relentlessly as a right wing Hindu conspiracy to prevent the Indian people from understanding the sacred christian values given by some Mexican dude who claimed he was son of god.

About the author

Shridhar Kurlageri

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