Have you ever wondered what would have happened if there were no advertisements during the breaks while you were watching your movies on your television sets? What if there weren’t any 2-minute Maggi breaks during the award ceremonies? What if thirty-second condom ads weren’t telecast when Team India was raping Pakistan? Ever wondered how our Delhi Metro would have looked like without those SBI ads? No, right?
And ever wondered why any of those ads never seem to fit in the particular situation? Ever wondered how meaningless can Indian jingle writers go? Didn’t this question ever come to your mind, “Yaar iss ad ka matlab kya tha?!” “Ye ad hai kis chiz ka aur ye dikha kya rahe hai?!” I am sure you must have wondered about this. At least once.
So this column will bring you the Ripped Apart versions of our advertisements. How “cool” these ads are, on “Ads Watch”.
Recently I saw this new ad of Idea where thankfully, Abhishek Bachchan wasn’t there, which took me through mixed emotions. Like I was lying somewhere between “Happy” and “Very Happy”. Okay, let’s leave Abhishek Bachchan for a while; everyone’s picking up on him. So the ad was something like a kid decided to interchange the mobile phones of his father and mother for a day. Then as the day went on, his mother attended the calls of his father and his father did the same for the mother. Strangely, no call ever started with any sort of hello, hi or anything. People just called them up and abused or whatever and disconnected. And this thing continued for a whole day. At the end of the day, those guys magically realized that both of them were equally busy and hardworking.
First of all, no Indian Kid would ever do this to his parents because:
1. He is not interested enough in their lives.
2. He is SO not interested enough in their lives.
Secondly, no kaamwaali will ever inform you that she will be on a leave for the next two days. Seriously? What do you think are they? Fools? Shiney Ahuja? What?!
Third, no guy will ever make the mistake of not hearing a sexy woman’s voice from the receiver, no matter how big a position he is at or however busy he may be. We have this inbuilt horni-ness in us.
Fourth, now what, seriously, they go a whole day without saying any word on the mobile?! Who are you? Manmohan Singh?
Fifth, no, no matter how senti we may get, a husband will NEVER make tea for his wife. We are egoistic and we are egoistic enough to not accept that we are egoistic.
Sixth, no kid will EVER give his dad’s mobile to his father just like that. Seriously? No beer pics in your mobile? No messages with random kisses? Why on earth would anyone do that?!
Apparently, inspired by this ad, a guy decided the same. Forget about the beating the kid earned at night as a reward, his parents were on the urge of getting a divorce. The calls went like this:
On the mother’s phone (which was with the kid’s dad):
First call: Madam ji, main aa raha hoon, kapde nikaal ke rakhna. (apparently this was a call from the laundry.)
Second call: Ma’am, your credit card statement for this month has been mailed to your account. Do you want us to deliver an SMS to your husband’s phone? Its 75k anyway.
Third Call: Aur Seema, how is your sex life going now? Your husband still dances with that towel every time before sex? Are you still faking orgasms?
On the father’s phone (which was with the kid’s mother):
First call: Beer peene chalein aaj sham ko?
Second call: Beer peene chalein aaj sham ko?
Third call: Beer peene chalein aaj sham ko?