#Youth Offbeat Staff Picks

15 February: When the reality of Valentine’s Day strikes

Everything comes back to normal on February 15, after we have spent big bucks on fancy dinners and gifts that aren’t of any great use (I mean seriously dude, what on earth is a 25-year-old supposed to do with a teddy bear?!).

February 13, Desperation Day: This is the day when single men and women try their best to find themselves a date for the next day. For the outside world, they wear a misleading mask that gives the impression that they are least bothered about the whole Valentine mumbo-jumbo; they say they are in fact happier being single, and red hearts are lame anyway. Of course, the truth is that even if they aren’t hunting down a perfect date, they are definitely cooking up a perfect love story in their head—a love story that ends with a melodious Taylor Swift song playing in the background while an imaginary audience stands up and applauds.

February 14, Valentine’s Day: The “day of love”, as it is called, offers a lot of action. Love-drunk masses flood restaurants for candle light dinners, movie channels start airing rom-coms and somehow everything turns pink and red.

Cometh February 15. This is the day when rationality finally comes marching in. People tend to their “Valentine Hangover” by wolfing down tons of chocolates, muffins and candies (for readers who thought otherwise, this is the real reason for gifting people chocolates on February 14; surprising, huh?). And what follows is a series of events that psychologists are referring to as the “Post Valentine Blues”. So after going through a dozen research papers, Team NTMN gives you an entertaining summary. Read on:

Struck by Reality
valentines_dayAfter spending big bucks on a fancy dinner and gifts that aren’t of any great use (I mean seriously dude, what on earth is a 25-year-old supposed to do with a teddy bear?!), and after taking out time from your busy lives to spend some quality time with your partner, everything goes back to normal. You start neglecting each other and decide to get back to work. You get struck by reality.

So the question that your therapist is going to ask you now is, “Was all that pink confetti worth it?”

Moment of Retrospection
Post Valentine’s Day, most guys find out that Cupid has mischievously burnt a huge hole in their pockets (oh, the agony called love!)—that too without any fruitful result. Meanwhile, Mr. Cupid lies comfortably on his couch, with a big bowl of popcorn, laughing his head off as he watches some poor chaps trying to make a bit of sense out of their V-Day actions. Kamal Gupta (name changed) shared his heart-breaking story with us: “Man, I bought her an entire rose bouquet! And she suddenly tells me she doesn’t feel the same way about me and then walks off! Taking that bloody bouquet with her! I had to buy another one to impress some other chick—she said no too…” (Ouch.)

Sharing Notes and Telling Lies
As guys try to push their insane “love-drunk” actions under the rug, girls are sharing notes with each other and indulging in some harmless bragging about their Valentine feats: “A little bit of bragging is completely justified on the girl’s part; so what if she tells all her friends that her man got her a pair of those expensive earrings when in reality he only gave her a cheesy card! He’ll definitely get her those earrings if he had enough money, which he will have by the next Valentine’s Day… or else he’s driving towards a break-up,” explained Dr. Aparna Sen, a leading psychologist.

Till next year folks!
Members of RSS and Hindutva groups who come out every year on February 14 to “purify India” by distributing rakhis and beating any guy who decides to be seen in a park with a girl who is not his sister, pack their bags on February 15 and go back into hibernation. But only after celebrating their successful attempt by throwing a big bash for all their brothers and sisters! (How very sweet.)

The BIG Revelation
Journalists and gossip column writers jump up and down with glee as Valentine’s Day sees some interesting revelations unravel.
A sting operation caught Mr. Lalu Prasad Yadav declaring his undying love for his cows by saying that although he has been married for some time now, cows are still his first love. If not for the rules of this world, he would have married them, all of them.

While Arnab Goswami is busy conducting heated debates on this matter of national security, Mr. Prasad is feeling a little blue now, after his wife just threw him out. (Double ouch.)

No matter if you’re tall or short, slim or (as we Indians put it) a little on the healthier side, old or young, girl or boy, you can’t escape the mighty Valentine Blues. So the next time you say, “God, Valentine’s Day sucks! I’m least affected by all this crappy drama!”, think again, because the truth is, no matter how “crappy”, St. Valentine’s ghost will haunt you anyhow!

About the author

Charvi Jain

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