These days the most innocent of things can get you expelled from your college. Here’s a list of things you must avoid if you want to survive in the college:
1. The Zeroth Law for alleging an affair: Asking your Thermodynamics professor what he was doing in the supermarket with the madame from the Electrical department, and when he ignores you, sending him text messages that say, “Muah muah.”
2. To hell with Mika, to heaven with Sunny: Telling your Student council head, “If you could afford Mika for the fest, surely, you could have brought Sunny Leone instead”.
3. Fevicol se: Firing off a letter to your VC, commending his 1000 years in-charge of the college, and “politely” asking him when he will be getting his “lazy bum off the frigging university chair for good”.
4. I was born intelligent. Still, education ruined YOU: Telling an interviewer in response to the question why you have no knowledge of any subjects, “Sir, what I am today is the result of a failed education system in which the biggest of fools can ask more questions than what the smartest of men can answer.”
5. That place is dangerous for your head, Mr. Assistant: Asking your lab assistant to “pull his head out of you-know-where and to for the love of God, give you the apparatus to perform your damn experiment”.
6. A case of Logical Reasoning: When your professor tells you that you know absolutely nothing during a viva, responding with a subtle, “Clearly, I have been taught by you.”
7. Subtlety is overrated, time to be really descriptive: Clicking detailed pictures of the washroom, printing them in full-size and compiling them in form of a dossier. And then presenting it to the hostel warden in order to bring to his attention the deplorable condition of the place.
8. Trolling the mentor: Going up to your project mentor and telling him that you want to pursue a project in Biology and that you need a live subject for research and demonstration, slyly letting it slip that it may have something to do with your favourite topic in high-school, reproduction.
9. Equal rights for teachers and students: Creating a ruckus in the middle of the campus, demanding equal rights for students and teachers, insisting that students should be allowed to write on the same blackboards as the teachers in order to take down the notes.
10. Naare lagao, vidyarthiyon ko mukti dilao: Setting up a student-run organization to protect students’ interests, and then showing up uninvited in the middle of night at teachers’ houses, shouting random slogans like, “Gai hamari maata hai, humko kuch nahi aata hai“.
Note: This article is inspired by a recent event where a private university suspended two college girls for posting Facebook updates questioning the rules imposed only on the female students in the college. Read the story here.