#Politics (UPA Days) Staff Picks - Archived

CBI looks to the future by issuing “Clean Chits” worth next 300 years for the Gandhi family

After facing a lot of heat for always being reactive and taking action only in the aftermath of a certain ill-intentioned, self-motivated and insecurity-driven push by the reigning government, the CBI has outdone itself this time by taking a proactive step of issuing clean chits to the members of Gandhi family beforehand. These chits are supposed to be so huge in number that they will last for next three centuries and can be immediately reissued by the holder, without any other consent from any authority whatsoever.

We talked to the current CBI director Ranjit Sinha to know more, who explained that the resulting action was a culmination of three events: “1. Lower placements in IIMs, which resulted in CBI hiring a few of those guys; 2. The said IIM guys did a regression analysis and discovered a prevalent trend: Every Gandhi family case, ever investigated, had only one outcome—clean chit, the most recent example being that of Robert Vadra getting a clean chit in Haryana land deals. 3. Since the workload is a little less these days, we were watching the Minority Report in office. The idea was brilliant — arresting criminals before they could commit crimes.

“Well we can’t do that, we aren’t so advanced, so we thought why not start by pronouncing verdicts before the crimes can even be committed, at least in the cases where we know what the outcome is going to be!”

About the author

Bijender Sheoran

I am a 23 years old Mechanical Engineer from IIT Kanpur, currently working in Noida. I like to try my hand at a diverse range of things and my interest keeps changing from time to time. I have been a part of IITK's cultural festival (Antaragni) and technical festival (Techkriti) while in college. A big movie buff and loves watching TV serials, Lost and Hustle are my favorite, reads anything and everything and getting addicted to Facebook and twitter.

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