Noticing the trend of its citizens being smug about India’s defeat and somehow taking credit for Australia’s victory in the world cup, Pakistani government has decided to give honorary citizenship to Australian cricketers. In the past, this honour had been reserved for world leaders with a knack for hiding in plain sight.
Move good for Pakistan’s economy: Minister of Misinformation
Speaking to the press in Islamabad, Pakistani minister of misinformation, Mr. Yakub YaIamreallyanarab declared, “India’s loss to Australia and the subsequent victory of the latter in the World Cup will help Pakistan’s economy grow. People will buy more T.V to break for celebrations and this will also help people to forget the shit our government keeps throwing at them.”
NTMN heard unconfirmed rumors that mocking India using #CantTakeItBack and muka muka will be taxed to help the country’s economy. We also learnt from some questionable sources that this honorary citizenship will be sponsored by the IIN to spread brand awareness.
Politicians take credit, Imran Khan appeals for DRS
Politicians on both side of the border were quick to offer their reactions, even though nobody really wanted to hear from them. Opposition parties in Pakistan are accusing the government of not doing enough to take credit for somebody else’s achievement.
In a statement, cricketer turned politician, Imran Khan said when he comes to power, he will ensure Pakistan reports Australia’s GDP as part of Pakistan to show India that they are now a developed nation.
Indian government was quick to dismiss the idea and clarified there was no evidence that Pakistan played any role in India’s defeat, which incidentally is the first time India is not blaming Pakistan for its failure.
Australia refuses Pakistan’s offer, Pakistan says it’s not optional
An Australian spokesperson said that while they were humbled, they were refusing the offer, “Our cricketers like to travel without going through random security checks,” said the spokesperson citing his genuine concern. NTMN contacted an Australian player who on condition of anonymity said just one word, “IPL.”