Baking News, on their part, refuted allegations that they had vested interests, explaining that the degrading quality of satire on their page has nothing to do with who controls them. Surreal Times, meanwhile, were unavailable for comment, apparently lost in a surreal world where they aren’t totally unreadable.
They sold their wings…only the right ones to BJP
Reports suggest that Amit Shah reasoned in a meeting of the top brass of BJP that “Some of these satire websites are calling us out on our bluff and creating a lot of negative publicity. Here’s what I’m thinking. We can’t really ban the internet, so well why not just buy it instead?” A hefty cheque was quickly drawn out, and Shah turned up at the Baking News’ Headquarters (their Facebook page). Without a second thought, they gladly accepted the cheque and sold their wings (only the right ones) to BJP.
Surreal Times, BJP’s Tweetie Pie
Surreal Times was a cakewalk for Shah. In fact, he didn’t even have to make an offer to them. Surreal had already been campaigning for BJP for free and ended up striking a deal with Shah where the Official BJP Twitter handle would once a week retweet Surreal’s posts (which were Pro BJP anyway). A win win situation for both! “We should get a room”, a Surreal Reporter said, with a shy smile.
Shah shows up at NTMN’s headquarters
Finally, Shah arrived at his most difficult hurdle, News That Matters Not. He knew this was not going to be easy, and showed up at NTMN’s doorsteps with 15 kilos of boondi ka laddoo, cartons of dhoklas and vans full of cash. Founder Sanay Tukumar looked at Shah’s proposal, thought over it for exactly thirty seven seconds, did some Vedic-Math level calculations, turned to his team and yelled, “दो किलो लड्डू रख लो पैसे दे कर और दफा करो इस आदमी को मेरी नज़रों के सामने से”.
If inside reports are to be believed, NTMN’s gesture has inspired both Baking News and Surreal Times to come out of their slumber with all guns blazing against BJP’s agenda of buying anything that moves (or doesn’t).