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Ahead of Valentine’s Day, young couple commits suicide after failing to get any privacy

Two suicides were reported in Thane last night. A young couple, Kishore (20) and Sheela (19) (names changed), were found dead in a hotel room. Investigations are on, but the local police station have confirmed the deaths as suicides. When the policemen inquired from the couple’s friends, the matter became quite apparent: it was a clear case of depression.

“Sheer shortage of privacy”
According to the friends, it was “sheer shortage of privacy” that prompted them to take the decision. Their inability to find a place where they would not be judged or harassed, or could enjoy some privacy, had left them dejected. “Parks, movie theatres, hotels… everywhere. I know they had tried all,” explains a mutual friend. “They were unlucky at almost every single place.”

The couple was beaten up by Shiv Sainiks on Valentine’s Day two years ago. Apparently, they were being forced to get married on the streets, when, by a stroke of luck, the attackers got wind of another couple doing “a lot of mischief” nearby. Kishore and Sheela took advantage of the distraction and were able to escape. Things got worse with reports coming in about “kidnappings” of couples roaming around after 10pm in the suburbs of the city. This news depressed them even more, leading to suicide eventually.

young-couple-want-privacyThey were also once accused of “illegally” holding hands in a public park. Says a friend, “There isn’t any law or rule saying that couples can’t even hold hands, but it is illegal and deserves violence under the laws of some non-violent religions. And when the protectors of those religions say it, it is a rule.”

So yes, overall, this couple clearly had a rough history.

The Suicide
Also, none of the hotels they went to would allow them to book a room, because the managers demanded ID proof of some other state. This disturbed the couple even more, and led them to file a case against these hotels. Finally, they found a hotel in the mini Paharganj area where the manager allowed them to stay. But when they moved into the room, they found hidden cameras all over the place. So to be on the safer side, they decided not-to-do-any-such-thing-they-were-planning-to, and planned to do something unusual: suicide.

In fact, with Valentine’s Day approaching, two similar cases have been reported within the past week. In both cases, the couple had been found dead and suicide has been confirmed, although the police are still investigating the reasons.

English Medium Schools and Sex Education prime suspects in early investigation
After much uproar about the repressed nature of our culture, one policeman reasoned, “This is all Western culture bearing down on us. Every night I see on TV, the intimacy that is shown in Hollywood movies… it leaves nothing to the imagination. Obviously our youngsters will be impacted in the wrong way!”

Mumbai cop Satyapal Singh reiterated the statement he had made a month ago: “Most suicides are committed by those who have studied in the English medium. I have never heard of or seen a Sanskrit-medium educated person committing suicide. And it is a known fact that more and more people are today sending their children to English-medium schools.”

Another official has blamed sex education, saying that having it as part of the curriculum only teaches students how to get intimate.

The Aftermath
Protests have already begun. When our reporters asked activist Anna Hazare whether he will lead the movement of young people, he humbly replied, “Why not? I myself had to stay a brahmachari all my life because of these rules.”

Asaram Bapu could not be reached for his insights, but his secretary (she referred to him as Big Bhaiya) told us, “If the girl had been a citizen of Bharat, none of this would have happened. I myself was caught in these wayward ways when I was a citizen of India. Maybe if she’d called the Sainiks bhaiya when they were caught the first time, they would not have bothered them and this unfortunate incident could have been averted.”

Manish Tewari said it’s a serious issue and we should just wait and watch and change the channels, whereas Narendra Modi blamed it all on the government and the Prime Minister. He urged the PM to speak on this matter (with a little grin on his face).

While all this happened, a Muslim community has “Fatwa-ed” the girl (originally Muslim) after she was found dead. A cleric said “Darasal, galtiya ladki ki hi hoti hai. Burqe mein rahegi to aise ladke dekhne ko hi nahi milenge, toh privacy toh khair door ki baat hai.”

Shahnawaz Hussain strongly supported the argument because Digvijay Singh was strongly against the motion. Cutie Rahul Gandhi was spotted asking questions like “Mom, what’s fatwa?”

Happy Valentine’s day to you too.

(inputs by Karan Taneja; ed. Priyanka Mehta, Apoorva Tapas)

About the author

Vishal Dayama

no bio bruh. This planet sucks.


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