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By Jul 5, 2013 • The News Pages

Arnab Goswami permanently damaged his vocal chords after engaging in a 17 hour long verbal battle with a politician. Doctors have reported that although he may be able to talk, he will never be able to engage in any verbal battles ever again. Unfortunately due to these circumstances, the network executives of Arnab’s show have been forced to replace him.


Arnab’s parents are distraught by this terrible mishap. His mother said, “I remember when Arnab was 12 and he was giving me an hour long discourse on why India is the best country in the world. At the end of it, there were tears in my eyes and a deep searing pain in my ears. That’s when I knew, he was destined for great journalistic success. And I was right. If only this success had lasted longer.” His father however remains optimistic. “His vocal chords have been through a lot worse”, he was quoted saying.

Jatin Mehta, a junior college student and aspiring journalist was shattered when he heard the news. “Whenever my father told me that I was too loud and opinionated to be successful as a journalist, I always pointed to Arnab Goswami and his success. My father couldn’t retort to that. Now, although he does concede that I can be just like Arnab, he says I too might lose my vocal chords in the process.” His father however, has something different to say, “I like Arnab Goswami. I told my son that. But the problem is when I switch from another channel to his news show, I always have to turn the volume down or I might risk damaging the sound system of my television.”

Leena D’Souza, a retired teacher says Arnab’s sudden departure from the news has posed a crisis to her. “I am an old woman. And it’s been five years since my husband passed away. During nights, I am plagued by silence and loneliness. But Arnab’s voice used to boom across my apartment and give me company. I never felt alone. Now that he’s gone, I have no idea what I’m going to do. It will be difficult to find another loud disgruntled voice echoing through my apartment.”

Arnab Goswami uncharacteristically remained unavailable for comments.

3 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. subodh khanna July 6, 2013 at 8:18 pm - Reply

    hahaha – wonderful indeed – u have excellent writers keep it up – well done

  2. ajay July 8, 2013 at 5:01 pm - Reply

    Arnub is strange creature. He asks question for 10 minutes in loud voice and expects answer in 10 seconds otherwise he interrupts again with his loud voice.

  3. Antas Dwivedi July 14, 2013 at 8:19 pm - Reply

    LOL……Humour at its best…

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