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By Feb 25, 2013 • The News Pages

In a notification issued today by the (Godly) Government of India, the Bharat Ratna will now be awarded to “any person for exceptional performance of the highest order in any field of human endeavour that praises the government’s policies”.

This new notification means that India’s highest civilian honour will no longer be given for (inhuman, and unncecessary) endeavours such as art, literature, science and sports if they are done to criticize the ruling party. This is a follow-up to strict acts of (valid) censorship and frequent (justified) arrests that are made for even dreaming about scams or rapes done by (law-abiding) Congress party members. Today itself, 111 (disgraceful) people have been arrested for posting criticism about (Sir) P.J. Kurien, the (Honourable) Deputy Chairman of the Rajya Sabha, despite the fact that the (noble) man has immense respect for women.

How dare you post something bad about the government?

How dare you post something bad about the government?

It appears that the rules have been altered to allow Justice Markandey Katju to receive the honour next year, for his anti-BJP writings. It may be recalled that last year, sports had been added as a new criterion for the honour, apparently in order to tap the ultimate vote bank the world’s largest democracy offers—that of Sachin Tendulkar fans.

The notification by the (Honourable) Government justifies the decision in this manner:

“Too many people are doing social service or great work in singing and acting or playing cricket. And so, increasingly, such acts are losing innovativeness. But now, with so few people supporting the government, the act of boot-licking our policies is becoming rare and needs to be incentivized. The preservation of such arts can be done by honouring the few people who do it. Therefore any person irrespective of caste, creed, sex and race shall be eligible for the Bharat Ratna if he or she can be a good salesman for the government.”

Soon after the notification, Sachin Tendulkar has tweeted that he wants to dedicate his next century to (His Excellency) Mr. Rahul Gandhi.

The Government has also decided to have two sets of awards instead of one: Bharat Ratna and India Ratna—Bharat Ratna for old citizens and India Ratna for youth (like Rahul Gandhiji). Some (daredevil) BJP supporters were quick to post on Facebook that Modi is eligible for both, and hence should be given both the awards. We suggest that such BJP supporters be arrested soon. Meanwhile, Mr. P. Chidambaram and his other South Indian colleagues are still fond of Sagar Ratna, and they said they would request the government to call a JPC meeting on this issue.

(inputs from Vishal Dayama)

Disclaimer: By using pro-Government words in brackets, the author intends to evade arrest, not to make a strong case for the Bharat Ratna himself.

1 Comment on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. Nipun February 27, 2013 at 8:51 pm - Reply

    “Meanwhile, Mr. P. Chidambaram and his other South Indian colleagues are still fond of Sagar Ratna, and they said they would request the government to call a JPC meeting on this issue.

    LOL

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