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By and Mar 26, 2013 • The News Pages

This is the year 2020. The world of football has been rocked by Sir Alex Ferguson’s retirement. The day has finally come. Jose Mourinho, head coach of Galatsaray (who has just won the Turkish League, and is now the only coach to have won titles in six different leagues), is understood to be the prime candidate for the coveted post now.

Mourinho has his eyes set on ten time Balon D’Or winner, Barcelona forward Lionel Messi, who has a buyout clause of 3 billion—the move funded by Mukesh Ambani, the owner of Manchester United. Cristiano Ronaldo, meanwhile, is “sad” that Messi might be heading to Old Trafford. He has reaffirmed his commitment to LA Galaxy, reiterating that he will not give up the fight, after still managing only a second place finish in this year’s Ballon D’Or.

Ferguson’s retirement has led to mixed reactions, though Rafa Benitez was the first to speak out: “Mr. Ferguson was a great man and a greater manager. I’m hoping now that with his retirement, the referees will be more inclined towards impartiality. This day had to come.” So saying, for the first time in 40 years, Benitez cracked what might be called a faint smile.

Meanwhile, Chelsea fans, having the privilege of witnessing 86 different managers since Roman Abramovich’s ownership in 2002, are bereaved about the fact that Mourinho would opt for United over a second stint at Chelsea—something that fans have been rooting for for the past 20 years.

footballFootball Club Barcelona, have meanwhile lost the latest edition of Champions League, despite setting a Guinness world record by managing a 100 percent possession in the final against Real Madrid, by losing the game on penalties, after no side managed a goal in the 120 minutes. Zinedine Zidane, now the head coach of Madrid, who learnt his coaching trade from Mourinho himself, quickly downplayed the importance of possession in the game. “We were playing on the counter-attack. We let them have the ball completely and look, we won, our La Decima after all these years!” When questioned why he headbutted Barca’s head coach, Ronaldinho, to enter the field and volley a penalty past Victor Valdez (who’s still playing by the way), Zidane opted to hide under his chair, feigning indigestion.

Arsenal are still searching for that elusive silverware, after AC Milan, led by the miser shrewd Prime Minister Berlusconi, prized away their youngest teenage sensation last year at the price of pennies. Juventus have been crying foul over the move, sparking rumours of another Calciopoli in the making. Liverpool’s inspirational captain, Steven Gerrard has fuelled speculation of retirement with his recent comments that “I have been ‘walking alone’ all these years!” Reports are rife that all is not well with Stevie G’s personal life.

West Ham United, who have revolutionized football by playing the ball only in the air to cater to demands of star front-man Andy Carroll, have come under heavy criticism from the lovers of the “beautiful game”. Retired Barcelona legend, Xavi Hernandez, slammed the Hammers. “Why don’t they play the ball on the deck even once? They just keep it in the air, passing or even playing the though-balls up there itself, hoping Carroll would just pop in out of the air and head it towards the goal! It’s ridiculous.”

In other related news, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has been sacked as QPR manager, after he got into a fight with assistant coach Joey Barton. Ibra has now taken charge of former club Inter Milan alongside Milan legend Genaro Gattuso. Experts opine this as a recipe for disaster. Meanwhile, Johan Cryuff has been awarded the “most obnoxious legend of all time” at the recent FIFA awards ceremony. Pele stood a close second.

1 Comment on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

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