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God diagnosed with diabetes as lakhs of students offer prasad and prayers to clear exams

With semester exams imminent, college students all around the country have thronged to temples and idols of gods to offer their prayers and prasad in return for the favour of passing the examinations with flying colours. This has resulted in an unfortunate situation of God being diagnosed with diabetes.

Leading the charge are engineering students, who are credited as the pioneers of “finding easy ways to pass an exam”. Medical students also have adopted the means of offering prasad as a last resort after months of studies, stating that they cannot take the risk of depending solely on their hard-work. Commerce and Delhi University students are known to be simply following the trend. NTMN caught up with Hatash Vidyarthi, a student from Yet Another College of Engineering, who has offered a record amount of sweets and prayers at shrines across the nation.

“I remember it like yesterday. I was playing FIFA ’13 the night before my first end-semester exam. I still had about eight chapters to study, out of the eight-and-a-half in the syllabus. The clock struck twelve, and somehow I instantly knew that I would never be able to finish the course in time. After the divine realization, I started running, and kept running until I had found myself in the nearby temple.”

The ailing God is getting annoyed with each new sweet offered by students

The ailing God is getting annoyed with each new sweet offered by students

In total Bollywood style, Hatash Vidyarthi rang the temple-bell till his hands were dead enough to “not be able to even lift a pen”. He offered a bag of laddoos to lord Ganesha, and pledged to walk to the exam-centre with bare feet. “Next day, I had the best paper in my life. And that’s how it all started.”

Rationalists and atheists claim that Hatash Vidyarthi is “merely one of the many superstitious people of the world who just want their contagious disease—which they refer to as “faith”—to spread among the masses”. They also claim to have found, during their inquiry, that Hatash actually passed the exam due to chits that had “OM” written over them.

After consuming sweets offered by lakhs of students from the country, God has found himself ailing with diabetes due to excessive sugar intake. He has thus become angry with the students and is said to be thinking about breaking his promise. “There are no Rajas and Kalmadis up here. What do they think we are… humans?!” God is said to have confided this among His friends over a cup of amrit.

Doctors in heaven have warned students and adults to stop bribing God with sweets and promises—both of which have been found to be extremely adulterated, in heaven’s research labs. God is also said to be angry with all the hair that Tirupati-visitors are sending to his house.

Meanwhile, after this news of prayers having a possible adverse effect, Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi both rushed to nearby temples and prayed to God “to not make them PM in the coming elections under any circumstance”. Students, on the other hand, still seem adamant to seek short-cuts. They had recently written an application to the doctors asking if sugarfree sweets can be offered to the sick God. The application not only got rejected, but was also returned with a copy each of various holy books and scriptures enclosed, with portions about Karma underlined in ink.

If inside reports are to be believed, the whole scuffle is a prank played by God to get the people to “do the right thing and pray for only what they deserve”.

(concept: Satat Mishra)
(ed. Sugandha)

About the author

Kumar Pratik

Exorcist, Demonologist, and Master of the Dark Arts. Just kidding. Part of NTMN since May 2011 and Editor-in-Chief from 2013 to 2014.

1 Comment

  • You do know you do not get diabetes from eating too many sweets – looks like those med students are failing their exams. Seriously diabetes is a really horrible disease that in many many cases can not be prevented. It’s one of the main causes of blindness, non traumatic foot amputation, kidney and heart disease. It really is not helpful or funny to mock it and spread the idea that diabetics caused their condition just by eating too many sweets.

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