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The results for the prestigious Civil Services exams were declared today. NTMN caught up with the UPSC topper, Mohan Topkar. Excerpts from the interview:

NTMN: Many congratulations, Mohan. You have topped the Civil Services exam. How does it feel?

Mohan: (in a sad tone) Kya congrats? I am dumbfounded. Okay, I topped and all, but do you know how lonely it is at the top?

NTMN: Umm, yeah. But are you not thrilled at your results. We also hear that you are an IIT and IIM alumnus and have been a topper there too.

MT: Well, there was nothing to do at IIT, except for studying of course. I was nicknamed “Sheldon” by my batch mates. So I thought, “might as well prove them right”. Then I got into an IIM. I topped the CAT exam that year and got in. And the same story followed.

35482303NTMN: So, this seems to be a habit for you! You have been a topper throughout?

MT: No. I wanted to become a singer, a trained musician. But my father scolded me and asked me if I wanted to become a singer begging alms in the train. I got angry and in a fit of rage, went to my study room. I came out only after topping.

NTMN: That is sad.

MT: No, it is not. You know what is sadder than this? I do not know what to do now. It is like a vacuum. I feel lonely. I do not know what to do with my life now. All I have ever done is study. I never thought I would have to implement what I studied so far. No one taught me how to do that. I am heartbroken. Do you know of any exams that are tougher than UPSC? I want to take them too, and top them as well.

NTMN: We? Umm, well… yeah you could try for SAT, GRE, GMAT. But you are already an officer with the Government of India. Why would you want to boot such a lucrative offer to study?

MT: DUDE! Not study. Just TOP! I want to top everything, all exams of this world. By hook or by crook. Just tell me if you know of some tough exams. I have been in pursuit of an aim all my life. All this while, my aim had been to crack the toughest examinations. This obsession helped me get into IITs and IIMs and now the IAS. I have decided to apply for a few other examinations too.

NTMN: So IIT, IIM and IAS, that’s like all the three major “I-exams”. They say one who cracks one “I-exam” is Intelligent. Someone with two of them is an Iconoclast and the one making a dent at all the three is an Idiot. What do you say to that?

MT: Yeah yeah, whatever… is there a fourth “I” that I can top?

finally-doctorNTMN: Anyway, so what’s your secret, how did you manage to top at all these exams, all these years?

MT: Arrey chill hai yaar.

NTMN: So what next?

MT: I have no frigging idea. I have an offer from some coaching institutes to join them. But no, I wish I had stood second, so that I could take the exam next year to improve it. Bloody hell! I don’t know how to cure this Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) of answering every question correctly!

NTMN: So did you see or plan to see any doctor about this OCD?

MT: Man! That reminds me, I can still take the medical exams, right? I think I should top it too, agree?

NTMN: That is upto you to decide. We are sure you will do well.

MT: Do well? I want to top. Doing well is NOT OKAY.

NTMN: Anyway, moving on. Do tell us some funny incidents from your life.

MT: There have not been many. But umm, funny yeah! I find the standard model using the subatomic elementary particles so hilarious that…

NTMN: Nah… not that funny!

MT: Ah! Okay. Alright, here’s one which others find funny but I don’t see why. So I took GRE in my 4th year and scored 1590. Yeah I know, what’s up with under-performance! Then I re-took it a month after to remedy the situation and scored 1600. I didn’t sleep, eat, bathe or do anything else for that entire one month. I hear they had to evacuate the GRE centre when I was taking the exam… hahaha!

NTMN: Any advice that you would like to pass on to our readers and other “top-every-exam” aspirants?

MT: Yeah. Just one. Such stunts are performed by professionals under expert guidance. Please don’t try to replicate in your own life, you may end up getting severe irreversible head injury with multiple injuries to the emotional side of your brain. Also, there is thing called “life” which will be extinct from your life.

24 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. rohit pandey May 3, 2013 at 8:46 pm - Reply

    He is a genius .he has nothing to achieve . All he should do is to use his knowledge for social work.

  2. ram May 3, 2013 at 9:27 pm - Reply

    lol..

  3. Chandra Kumar Patel May 4, 2013 at 9:39 pm - Reply

    I have a free advice for Mr Mohan. Why doesn’t he go for a research. He can always do the best there, and there will always be a scope for an improvement… so he can research on and on and on…. And, rest of the world will also be benefited by this.. :)

    • DM May 6, 2013 at 3:02 pm - Reply

      I fully agree to you. So far no IITIANS got a Nobel prize in any field.

      Give a try…

  4. Rehaan Fayaz May 4, 2013 at 10:11 pm - Reply

    Nautanki sala

  5. Venom May 5, 2013 at 12:02 am - Reply

    Go get a life , what’s the point of doin it if it doesn’t even make you happy ! Get a life , get a girl ! Come out of your nerd-hole !

  6. veronika Singh May 5, 2013 at 9:25 am - Reply

    Bamboozled personality…till d tym u dont implement ur ideas wats d use of topping all d ” I” exam…seriously u should try ur fate in Research nw where u can satiate urself evrytym by doing new things

  7. subhash chaudhary May 5, 2013 at 10:28 am - Reply

    Are kyon paresan h bhai…chill Marr..kuch kam wam kr ab..

  8. vipul kothikar May 5, 2013 at 5:47 pm - Reply

    it seems many people thinking this person real. guys calm down this is not real. its fake sarcasm.

  9. don't wish to use my name May 5, 2013 at 6:22 pm - Reply

    This is hilarious. One of the most hilarious things I have read in a really long time.
    He is trying to be funny, I think. Just so convincing at pretending to be like that in his real life!
    :D
    Hehehe.
    Obviously is bored of topping, so didn’t bother making up answers to the usual questions. :D
    Hehehe.
    Hilarious!

  10. DM May 6, 2013 at 2:59 pm - Reply

    Don’t be frustrated. Go and do some research work in science or technology and get a Nobel prize for India.

    That way, I am sure you will benefit everybody including you.

  11. Karthik May 7, 2013 at 4:52 pm - Reply

    I dont know what is more funny the post or the clown who actually think that this is a real person and are infuriated by him taking so many exams. Well we are gonna have very intelligent doctors(see post by med student from some govt med college) and engineers in the future.

  12. Rajasekhar May 7, 2013 at 6:01 pm - Reply

    fiction character

  13. ompraksh June 21, 2013 at 8:24 pm - Reply

    He is a legend
    .I think he has to go in isro and to be the integral part of Indian excellence in space and to win anobel prize for India.

  14. Chetan July 8, 2013 at 6:10 pm - Reply

    Hey, buddy,… You are so talented… Then go and find another substitute for Petrol…. You will be on Top and winner of Noble Prize, toppest position…

  15. damn December 12, 2013 at 1:40 am - Reply

    damn, totally laughable, by reading the interview and also the comments, truly epic :D :D :D

  16. hemanth krishna January 2, 2014 at 10:39 am - Reply

    too much of anything is good for nothing….

  17. hemanth krishna January 2, 2014 at 10:43 am - Reply

    studying everything and implementing nothing is of no use .he is not doing all those things for himself he is working to get fame.
    all the fame and popularity will vanish one day when time goes on.life is so precious and beautiful it is up to us how we carry it.

  18. Someone March 13, 2014 at 6:30 pm - Reply

    Funny post satire…photo is fictional character Raj Koothrappali of Big bang theory TV serial.

  19. Meghna March 21, 2014 at 2:32 pm - Reply

    At the end of the day the only thing that matters is ” HAPPINESS” .. :) There is nothing more than LIFE :)

  20. Arjun March 27, 2014 at 2:02 am - Reply

    even his name says “Top Kar”

  21. Prashant Yadav March 30, 2014 at 9:16 pm - Reply

    Realy simply awesome !! I have been dreaming for third “I”.I know the very well the effort it takes to achieve.Hatsoff !!

  22. Life is fun April 26, 2014 at 7:57 pm - Reply

    How about getting laid with model-like hot chick, for a change?

  23. revanth June 6, 2014 at 11:12 pm - Reply

    just show him to a doctor…
    or else he will die or never be happy with that obsession

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