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Indian expatriates to swim back from Saudi Arabia

With the Nitaqat row, lakhs of Indians in Saudi Arabia are under threat of being deported, arrested or simply sent back to their land of origin. Reports claim that the number of Indians involved in this crucial showdown is about 75,000, but we know better through empirical derivations and common sense.

Amidst all this, the Indian government is all set to bring back Indians by the route of water, since using the aerial route for over one lakh people will be as mighty expensive for the public exchequer, as giving Pratibha Patil a world tour. This was revealed to us by External Affairs Minister Salman Khurshid.

New Delhi has shown its discomfort and has branded Saudi Arabia’s act as “diplomatic timidity”. The catchy phrase was later withdrawn by Digvijaya Singh, even though it was spoken by someone else for lack of a valid explanation. Mr. Khurshid is upset over the sudden pressure the situation has put him in, right after the Chinese hospitality he was so deeply involved in. Excerpts from the interview:

NTMN: Mr. Khurshid, Saudi Arabia thinks their own citizens deserve to get jobs in their country before foreigners do. What do you have to say about that?

Khurshid: It is a very narrow-minded stance over the subject. You don’t see other countries like the USA, Canada, UK, make such hue and cry over things like these! We have helped create history in America where a non-white man became the President with promises that he forged on our expense. We know our international responsibilities and our citizens religiously practise them. Taking out a few of them for trivial issues like jobs for your own men is disgraceful. Look at us for God’s sake! We accommodate nationals from all possible countries—even those without a cricket team. Do you ever see us complaining about that?

salman khurshidNTMN: But sir, Saudi Arabia is processing 500 withdrawal applications every day. Why does the Indian government think Saudi Arabia will not be able to meet the deadline of July 3?

Khurshid: Did someone in the government say we think so? I will ask Digvijaya Singh to apologize for the same. We have the deepest regard for Saudi Arabia’s procedural machinery and efficiency. They have used our favourite D/L method calculator to find the number of Indians living there that can be processed by July 3. If anyone enters their territory after the deadline passes, they can be jailed or whatever by the Saudi people.

NTMN: Do you have the machinery to bring so many people back home?

Khurshid: I have spoken to the Tourism Minster, Chiranjeevi garu who is planning to create a month-long swimming gala that will connect Saudi Arabia to India through the Persian Gulf, Gulf of Oman and the Arabian Sea. All participants will not just reach their homeland, but will also get a certificate of participation from the government of Maharashtra.

NTMN: That sounds great. Will any of the politicians be a part of that gala?

Khurshid: We are not sure so far. Internal plans will be decided by our matriarch. But we want to give an opportunity to the Opposition who thinks we don’t include them in any nationalistic missions. This will be the right time for them to connect with the Indian population and understand them better. As a security measure all Opposition leaders will get a life jacket. We are also trying to bring in some celebrities like Medha Patkar and Aamir Khan who apparently speak a lot about water and all. So not only will they be satisfied to see so much water, but also maybe raise some funds for the government.

Unfortunately Mr. Khurshid could not stay with us any longer. He had some baby products to buy at Janpath. Meanwhile, people in the southern parts of India have come to streets condemning the law as “racist”, “anti-human”, “nihilistic”, and what we could make out from a doodle on a banner which an activist carried, as an “Aryan conspiracy”. It is noteworthy that sales of dictionaries and illustrated editions of ancient history have increased tremendously.

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Siddharth Joshi

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