Delhi University, quite (in)famous for its inhumane cut-off lists every year, has gone one step further and done the unthinkable by denying admission to Ganesha, son of Shiva himself. Bholenath, as he is known in social circles, was in for a shocker, when Shri Ram College of Commerce rejected Ganesha, citing that he had failed to clear the cut-off criteria and hence, could not be admitted under any circumstances.
After Shiva and Parvati decided to put Ganesha in a school to restrain his leisurely activities, they duly filled out the forms, and and thanks to some ‘jugad’ from a tout, Ganesha was able to secure direct admission to the 12th Standard. For college, they had zeroed in on the famous Shri Ram College of Commerce, named after a family friend from Ayodhya.
The entire kingdom of Gods waited anxiously for the board results. And, they were all on cloud nine (literally) when they learnt that the kid had scored a sublime 92%, especially taking into consideration the fact that he had not touched his books and notes etc. for over a thousand years. But this joy was short-lived, as he could not clear the cut-off lists of SRCC.
The principal of the college recalls, “This funny looking guy, with six-pack abs and a snake slung over his neck walked in with his son, seeking admission for him. I do not know how they got past the security. I freaked out, but politely requested him to check for his son’s name in the cut-off lists.” At this, he let out a thunderous roar, claiming that his son had scored very good marks, and that he was very proud of the boy’s efforts.
Lord Shiva explained to an NTMN reporter. “This is preposterous! I smell some foul-play here. How can human beings achieve such extraordinary marks that not even a God could scale them? How can the cut-off begin at 98% and end at just 95% over the course of three lists? I will destroy this world. Tell that to your SRCC!”
Later, a fax, which said it came from the God’s office stated, “General Secretary, Mr. Bhole Nath has decided that now, admissions to heaven too will be conducted on the basis of cut-off lists. Exams will be conducted for the same and men and women will be tested on their general awareness about the 33 crore Hindu gods. Mr. Nath has also indicated that the cut-offs may be as low as 105%.”
The fax has sent waves of panic among the more religious of professors and teaching assistants, but the Delhi University VC has dismissed them as “a silly prank by some upset parent”.
(Ed. Punita Maheshwari, Kumar Pratik)