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Mysterious panelist speaks for nine straight seconds uninterrupted on the Newshour, creates record

Arnab Goswami suffered from a rare blackout as a panelist on the Newshour spoke for nine seconds uninterrupted yesterday, creating a record. Officials from the Limca Book of Records are reviewing the footage of the incident and are expected to make a formal announcement soon.

Who is this mysterious man who can silence Arnab Goswami?

Viewers report that Arnab kept looking anxiously towards his watch as the precious seconds ticked by, but he just couldn’t find the words to stop the panelist. The panelist, a man who goes by the name Arnab Comeswami, seemed poised to continue speaking for several more seconds, when he made a grammatical error, saying “a unfortunate tragedy” rather than “an unfortunate tragedy”. The anchor swiftly put on his grammar Nazi hat and finally interrupted Comeswami by repeatedly bellowing the words “One Minute”. He then proceeded to systematically disparage the panelist until he was rendered completely speechless. Arnab Goswami then discreetly wiped the sweat from his brow.

arnab comeswami-001

Arnab Goswami was left stunned Ranvijay-style after mysterious panelist kept him quiet for nine seconds.

Goswami to turn up hostility and arrogance to avoid a repeat in the future

The event left the viewers stunned and confused. Times Now hastily published an apology to the viewers of the Newshour citing the stresses of the National Elections as the reason for this slip up. They further promised that Arnab would turn up his hostility and arrogance to the maximum level so that such a situation doesn’t present itself again. What has caused the real furor, however, is that Comeswami was actually making sense while he was speaking – his rather sensitive views on empowerment, employment and IPL shaking the country in Newshour sponsored air-time.

The producers of the show are understandably distraught at the sudden nasty turn of events. One of them revealed that a change of face had also been considered. The idea was later scrapped due to lack of backing from politburo members who felt that two seconds was adequate time to express themselves; and had guaranteed to repeat themselves continually, should the anchor at any point, again, fail to cut them short. Damage to the national thought process would thus be averted, or at the very least, contained. Meanwhile the video of the disaster has clocked the fastest rise to a million views after “Why this Kolaveri” on YouTube.

Views and comments pour in from all quarters

Arnab himself wasn’t available for comment nor did he post a tweet after the incident. Times Now has released a statement saying subsequent panelists of the Newshour debate will be summarily ignored after a sharp four and three-quarter seconds by the anchor.

Meenakshi Lekhi, who was the previous record holder at five seconds, was stunned at the course of events. News channels approached her for comments but all she said was ‘How dare he speak longer than me?’ in a loop. She then revved up her accusatory hammer and rode straight for the A.Goswami loudmouth quarters.

When Rahul Gandhi was asked to comment, he said, “This is why we need women empowerment. I think you should use RTI and see if it was actually 9 seconds or if they are misleading you. Only the youth of the nation can do this.”

Sonam Kapoor spoke in support of Arnab Comeswami, “Just because you shout well doesn’t mean you can shout every time, you know what I mean? Also, Arnab Goswami should take some style tips from my dad if he craves more air-time.”

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