The article contains spoilers. Not kidding! Seriously! Go watch all 5 seasons of the show and then come back.
After HBO series Game of Thrones killed one lead character too many, something strange happened in the land of seven kingdoms. Ned Stark, the story’s first major protagonist to die, has returned from his grave as a whitewalker to avenge his family.
All Starks must die
Stark, who bears no correlation to Iron-Man, could not bear it anymore in the realm of the dead as author George R. R. Martin proceeded to kill his eldest son, marry off his eldest daughter to a psychopath, turn the younger daughter blind, and basically ignore the two youngest sons for an entire season. However, the final straw in Stark’s heart was the multiple dagger wounds in Jon Snow’s heart in the season finale of the fifth season.
Little birds told us everything
Rumour mills are abuzz that Stark first tried to go Super-Saiyan but realizing that that’s not allowed here, he turned into a white-walker and arose from his grave.
Details of how this happened are fuzzy as of now, but speculation is rife that Bran Stark got into the head of the Night’s King, took him to Stark’s corpse and revived him with his
zombie white-walker powers.
A man must find the man who killed the many-faced characters
As Stark learned about the R-rated havoc that George Martin had unleashed upon his kids (not to mention wife, and daughter-in-law) in his absence, he let out a loud howl and started searching the seven kingdoms for Martin.
After a trip to Meereen, which was too hot for the white-walkers, turning them to dripping ice-creams, the lands beyond the wall and other mysterious places in the GOT universe, Martin was finally discovered in…surprise, surprise…King’s Landing.
Time for shocking revelations and gory deaths
In the end, in a shocking revelation, Grand Master Pycelle is unveiled as the real George R.R. Martin. “The camera adds like twenty pounds, you know”, Martin sheepishly says, explaining the difference in their physical appearances. Ned Stark pulls out his sword made of Valyrian steel and without giving Martin a chance to ruin any more childhood memories, beheads him, spilling his blood all over HBO executives in a gory fashion. The end.