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New law to excuse you of all crimes if you “withdraw and apologize” on time

Beni Prasad becomes first beneficiary of the new law

Two events took place today:

1. A timely “withdrawal, apology and regret” was issued by Union Steel Minister Beni Prasad for some “deleterious” but completely innocuous remarks about Mulayam Singh Yadav.

2. The Parliament has unanimously passed a new law. The “Freedom of Apology Act 2013” ensures that any individual shall be exonerated of all crimes imaginable, as long as they are prompt enough to withdraw their crime and statements pertaining and leading up to it, howsoever grave may the crime be.

As soon as the law was passed and Beni’s apology given, Mulayam Singh Yadav hugged Beni Prasad and invited him home for dinner. Prasad had earlier called Yadav a dacoit and a friend of terrorists.

The law was proposed by Abhijeet Mukherjee and voted upon heavily in favour by all the parties. Surprisingly, even Rahul Gandhi made an exception of attending the House for the vote. When asked, he confessed that this is the only law that has made sense to him so far.

Beni Prasad became the first beneficiary of the new law, as Mulayam Singh withdrew the demand of his resignation

Beni Prasad became the first beneficiary of the new law, as Mulayam Singh withdrew the demand of his resignation

The need of this law was realized long back when Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde read out the names of three minor rape victims of the Bhandara rape-and-murder case. This was in conflict with the law; if you do so, the law and order (i.e. Home Ministry) can punish you. When it was pointed out that Shinde had himself done this, it took some time for him to realize that his name was Shinde and he had done something. But the rest of the House was still puzzled; Abhijeet Mukherjee and many others told Shinde to just withdraw the statements and all would be fine. (But Shinde being Shinde, he messed up even that part when he used his own mind and added, “I read whatever I am given” to his withdrawal statement, leading to a mass facepalm among the Congress leaders.)

As if we hadn’t seen enough of Shinde’s intelligence in a day, he ordered a probe into the matter in the same breath and asked the Home Secretary to go to the root of it. So, after a probe, within two weeks, just in time to excuse Beni Prasad of his disturbing comments, this Bill was proposed, passed and is now a law.

While politicians were enjoying this new law today, the 111 people booked for posting and sharing on Facebook recently thought of trying the same, by posting, “We withdraw our previous status.” As per the last status check, they were still rotting in some cell of an unheard-of jail. The impunity like freedom of speech, my friend, is not for everyone.

(Related: Nation develops “withdrawal-and-unconditional-apology syndrome”)

About the author

Bijender Sheoran

I am a 23 years old Mechanical Engineer from IIT Kanpur, currently working in Noida. I like to try my hand at a diverse range of things and my interest keeps changing from time to time. I have been a part of IITK's cultural festival (Antaragni) and technical festival (Techkriti) while in college. A big movie buff and loves watching TV serials, Lost and Hustle are my favorite, reads anything and everything and getting addicted to Facebook and twitter.

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