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By and Feb 26, 2013 • The News Pages

The world has been in shock ever since Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation imminent on the 28th of February 2013. Today, the Pope finally revealed the true reason for his abrupt resignation. In his own words:

I have been a staunch believer of God ever since my childhood. Never once, in all these years, have I doubted the existence and the courtesy of God. Then things started to happen that I didn’t believe would be the will of God. Slowly, doubt crept in. Small events, where I didn’t understand why God would bestow such circumstances on us. I tried to think that that was God’s will. But I didn’t truly understand.

I mean, Chelsea won the Champions League last year. Which God would want that? Manchester City won the league. Now doubt was firm in my mind. God surely wouldn’t allow that to happen! I was hesitant. There were some signs of hope, with Arvind Kejriwal in India reviving the non-violent ways of Gandhi. I thought the world was balancing itself out. Then Rahul Gandhi got promoted and Barack Obama was re-elected and I suspected the Devil’s work. Why would God not do anything against this blasphemy?

Pope-resignsI heard Dan Brown is coming up with another novel. Learning from past experience, I finally gave in. Enough is Enough.

Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson were following me on Twitter. Now I didn’t know who they were but apparently they were very famous. Even the Vatican guards had heard of them! I decided to Google them. And that was the last straw.

Finally, I got my answers when Sachin Tendulkar retired. God had resigned. He no longer wanted to work. That is why he didn’t carry out the extensive drama of Doomsday. He was too tired and lazy. He let such a major event pass, and then retired. When God has retired, what work do I have remaining. Let me retire in peace. I’m thinking of buying a retirement home on the Cape of Good Hope. I’ve heard it has a nice view?

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