Events leading up to War
It all began on a gloomy Monday afternoon. Gopal, a celebrity blogger and pro-active member of Facebook, came to know about Twitter when he was snooping into the Twitter account of one of his friends. The “Who to Follow” feature made him particularly curious about Twitter, as he claimed it to be a cheap imitation of the “People You May Know” service offered by Facebook.
However, he went ahead and decided to give Twitter a try. He registered on Twitter with a username similar to that of a Twitter celeb, Kamaal Bekaar Khan. This celeb is considered by many as the big daddy of Twitter users in India. The trigger though, was that no one retweeted Gopal’s tweet with a Sai Baba photo that said: “Hit retweet in 2 seconds if you love your mother, else you will lose all your followers.”
The exclusive users of Twitter, who now identify themselves as “the Allies”, went on a rampage, labelling Facebook users as pathetic, idiotic morons who know nothing of the happenings around the world, and are busy sending “Will you Fraandship” requests, and commenting on each other’s profiles from fake profiles of girls they themselves make.
Said one such Twitter celeb: “Do you really expect a country to grow, if we start having celebrities even on Facebook? Heh! This is ridiculous.” She further continued, with a certain scoff, “Do you even know the intellectual level of posts and comments these people spam? It’s a sham, absolutely preposterous. These people must perish, for the betterment of humanity at large. They think liking and sharing pictures of kids with special medical conditions and diseases will help them. Now, you tell me, should these idiots be spared to run amok the society? No! They must perish!” she added, with a definitive yell stressing on the last word.
With these words, she and her friends set off to hack many Facebook accounts and deface them with spam. Large boxes of pizza, cans of red bull and other war catalysts was reportedly lying all around the room, which they preferred to call the “War Room”.
“The Central Powers”
The Facebook celebs on the other hand—now known to the press and masses as the “Central Powers”—remained nonchalant towards any threat from the Twitter celebrities. Speaking to one of our correspondents, Gopal said, “I wanted to join Twitter as I wanted to troll the celebrities there. But, that place is full of shit, like literally. You can see people laughing over jokes from 1940, desperately retweeting all the girls and hitting the ‘Favourite’ button on things not even remotely connected to the real world. I mean, who the hell tweets stuff about the 2014 Elections!”
“Twitter users need a life,” was all that was written on a large photo going viral on Facebook today.
The minority groups of Quora, LinkedIn and Google+ users have decided not to participate in the War, and have decided to form a Non-Aligned Movement.