#India #Politics

UPA sues common public for electing them to power two times and a possible third

Following the revelation of another fresh batch of scams, UPA-II has finally decided to take matters into its own hands. The beleaguered administration has resolved to sue the common public for unwittingly electing them to take on a second term and a possible third in the office.

When a spokesperson of Congress was approached by this reporter for his take on this unprecedented move, he said, “Were you one of those that voted for us? Because if you did, you are a prime accused in this case and therefore have no right to question any of our decisions”. He followed this up with diabolical laughter, before eventually explaining, “You elected us. All these scams, they are your fault, not ours.”

Pranab Mukherjee quotes Lethal Weapon

Meanwhile, Mr. Pranab Mukherjee, Honourable President of India ran out of ways to stave off unwieldy questions about this move made by his former party. Unable to come up with any more diplomatic rejoinders, he simply quoted Roger Murtaugh from Lethal Weapon saying, “I am too old for this s#!t.”

congress-350_012912112020Manmohan Singh lashes out…silently

With everyone expressing their own views on this intricate issue, the PMO has conveyed the extreme emotional turmoil of the head of the state. Sources close to the PM informed us  that he is very disturbed by the frequent unearthing of scams. When he was contacted directly he said, “________________”.

“I wish I were HRD Minister for some more time”

Mr. Kapil Sibal, the former HRD Minister also jumped on the bandwagon and pointed out that society can be improved only through good education. He stated that suing the public was part of this large scale educational undertaking. He still wants an immediate charge of HRD Ministry and has assured us of eliminating corruption within a few months  by bribing everyone who wants to indulge in this nefarious activity.

Sonia Gandhi realizes her folly

The BJP, principal opposition to the Congress has seized an opportunity that it sensed in this melee. Citing the many times that Rahul Gandhi had claimed to be a common man himself, they are now pointing out that he is also therefore part of the group that is being sued i.e. in effect, the Congress party is suing one of its own members. As soon this angle dawned on her, Sonia Gandhi hastily ordered a complete overturning of her party’s decision. Arvind Kejriwal, who was busy making preparations for a hunger strike, expressed his disappointment at this one smart move made by the Congress.

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Shubhanker Saxena

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Prateek Jose

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