An NTMN Guide for all the singles and the lovebirds
Firstly, if you’re living with your parents, it’s absolutely unnecessary to cook up an “extra class at college” all of a sudden, in order to escape to your plans—we’re positive they’re not as dumb as you’d like to believe.
Now, and this is for the guys, you’d do well to remember the date: 14th February; put a reminder on your phone if you have to. Also, the 14th might just be the right day to take your monthly bath. Yes, surprise your girl beyond her wildest dreams! And remember when she said she REALLY didn’t want a gift? She was lying. Please take something even remotely meaningful and try to do better than a pack of fairness cream—or even worse, a razor. Since writing a letter on your own is too much of a challenge, you might also want to shortcut your way into a readymade card. (But even then, at least read the message inside the card before gifting it, to ensure that it doesn’t say “Happy Mothers’ Day!” Or if you’re planning to say it with flowers, even though it’s red in colour, a hibiscus would not be a very prudent choice.)
Trusting and believing are extremely important in relationships, no doubt, but when your boyfriend says he’s arriving in “2 minutes”, don’t believe him. Guys, when you’re waiting to pick up your girlfriend and she says she’ll be ready in “5 minutes”, don’t believe her. Ah, but perhaps you’re already used to that? Now, when she steps out in front of you, decked up in her best, and asks (with an expression that might mislead you into believing that she DOES want an honest answer) if she’s looking fat in that dress, yell “NO!”, no matter what. You don’t want to know what might happen to your romantic evening otherwise.
When you finally reach the venue, remember that it’s supposed to be a date with your love, not with your phone. And though you may drift into that stage in your conversation when you feel you can tell her/him anything, DO NOT start yapping about your ex. That is just a minefield waiting to explode and tear you into unrecognizable pieces!
For all the single souls, the second week of February is a nightmare. Not only do we realize that we are utterly alone, but also that most of our friends have someone significant to shower them with chocolates and teddy bears, cards and roses, which are continuously rubbed on our faces, thanks to social networking sites.
Here are some tips and tricks to guide you through this disastrous time, and ensure your emotional stability.
1. This whole week has been about “the significant other”. Your friend has ignored all your requests to hang-out together. So by the time Valentine’s day arrives, you decide, “What the hell, I don’t need them to have a good time. I will just pop in that Mexican restaurant I wanted to try out by myself. I can enjoy by myself, right?”
WRONG! Don’t even make the mistake of thinking to go out alone on V-Day. Not only will most places be unwilling to admit a loner, most couples (and even waiters) will give you the “oh-that-poor-soul-has-lost-it-completely” look. And trust me, that look causes more harm than you can imagine.
2. If you think you are lucky that you have friends who love you so much that they invited you to the V-Day party hosted by a friend of their friends, think again.
Not only will you be made to click thousands of couple picture of your friends and all their friends with their girlfriend/boyfriend, you will also realize how Harry felt under the Invisibility Cloak once the pictures are taken, and they all turn to the dance floor.
3. You might not want to be alone this V-Day, and decide to go out with that slightly creepy guy/girl who has been constantly pinging you on Facebook and asking you to meet up? DON’T!
Desperate times do NOT always warrant desperate measures!
4. Celebrate being single this V-Day, guys and girls. Think back on all the losers you passed up because they weren’t worth the dirt on your shoes. Think of the number of times your friend came complaining/crying to you due to his/her “soul mate”. Think of the amount of money you are saving, that your poor friends have to waste. Think of the amount of “me-time” you are entitled to, which that possessive gf/bf never give your friend.
Think of all the friends who got dumped right after last year’s V-Day because their relationship couldn’t sustain under the pressure of V-Day and they disappointed their “love” by either forgetting to get a reservation in their favourite restaurant, or just got a box of Indian chocolate instead of the imported Swiss chocolate that the girlfriend’s best friend’s boyfriend got the best friend.
And be happy to be utterly lonely! 🙂