Chetan Bhagat writes a Guest post for NTMN, in his very own style

Monu was a boy. He was ordinary, very ordinary. He had studied at IIT, IIM and was pursuing IAS, but he was ordinary. And, it is also important to remember that he was a boy. Monu had two friends, Rolu and Polu.

It was his first day at work. He walked in through the door of his office, and conveniently ignored his superiors only to give a long hard stare at the secretary, who was a little “too dressed” for the occasion. If you know what he meant.

Her name was Jiya. She was a girl. She had all the lady parts needed to be a girl. Just in case you didn’t understand it yet, JIYA WAS A GIRL. Jiya was unflustered unmoved by Monu’s stare. She ignored him and left for the photocopy room.

Monu was hooked. This was love at first sight. Nothing could change that now. Well, nothing except sleeping with her. For now, he loved her with complete devotion till eternity. His boss came along and told him to get back to work. But, he could not work now. Not unless he had “expressed” his love to Jiya.

Rolu and Polu kept bugging him the entire day, but Monu had just one thought in his mind. And so, the three of them hatched up a brilliant plan for the next day. Relaxed, Monu slept like a baby knowing he would have his Nobel prize tomorrow.


It was late in the evening. Jiya had been working late. The new guy in the office, the man from the city, Monu had given her lots of work. Something about that guy was off. She wondered what it could be. Maybe, she should have paid more attention to that giant bulge she had noticed on him. As she stumbled into the photocopy room, suddenly the light went out and it became totally dark.

Without a warning, someone grabbed her hand. “I love you”, the voice said. She recognized the voice. It was Monu. The dialogue had sent some weird sensations in her body, but she stayed strong. “Who are you?” she asked.

“I am Monu. From the moment I laid my eyes upon you, some twenty four hours ago, I have loved you with all my heart.” Monu replied, before doing a Sachin Tendulkar to relax the tension in his pants. “This is not right.” Jiya replied, pushing herself firmly against him. “There is nothing wrong in love, Jiya”, he said and sneaked his hands into her curvy areas.

“No”, she said firmly and pushed him away. Monu was furious, “Karna hai to kar, nahi to yahan se chal nikal”. Jiya looked at him in awe. That was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to her. She jumped on him with raw energy and quickly, they shed their clothes. They then did their business like wild rabbits here and there. On the photocopier, against the wall, on the toilet floor, and one time even on the branch of the tree outside! They stopped for a while and did it again and again. It was the best sex they had ever had. Best sex ever!

Monu was spent. He smoked a cigarette and drank some alcohol. He smiled. Their love was eternal. Binding, lasting, forever and ever. Nothing could take it away from him. Not even God. Not unless he was to run into yet another muse to “love” in his own special ways. More on that in the sequel.

The End.


Disclaimer: Mr. Bhagat makes the following assumptions, which should not be interpreted as racism, publicity stunts or marketing gimmicks of any kind –
1. The names in the book cannot be longer than four letters or two syllables.
2. All complex words, if written by mistake, will be replaced by toddler baby-level words.
3. The reader has an IQ level of less than physically possible. 

About the author

Kumar Pratik

Exorcist, Demonologist, and Master of the Dark Arts. Just kidding. Part of NTMN since May 2011 and Editor-in-Chief from 2013 to 2014.


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