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E-retail chains banned as rape victim was wearing provocative clothes bought from Myntra


The Government has quickly moved to get to the bottom of the latest Delhi rape incident and has identified “wearing provocative clothes bought from Mynta.com” as the reason for the rape. High ranking officials believe that banning e-commerce websites will prevent future occurrences of rape.

Banning, the quick-fix and free solution to everything

It is believed that just like other measures such as banning online taxi services, banning porn, banning gay marriages, banning alcohol etc., this move will immediately bring a halt to rape incidents. Ideas like speedy courts for trial of rapists, a more alert police force, self-defence classes etc. were discarded as “old school and impossible to implement despite all the funding” by the Government.

IndiaTve35f15_Delhi-governmen44503“Provocative clothing the cause of rape, not malintent of the rapist”

The officials brushed aside claims from the journalists that the incident of rape was motivated simply by the rapists’ malicious intentions and reiterated that “the root cause of all rapes is provocative clothing, which is different from dressing provocatively in the sense that any cloth on victim’s skin is considered as provocative clothing by the keepers of law.”

Myntra, Jabong, Flipkart – everything banned!

“Anyway, that is not the main issue here. The issue is where the victim got her provocative clothes from.” Sub-Inspector of Delhi Police, Preetam Pandu said to the media persons. “We have traced it to an online e-commerce website, Myntra.com. Clearly, these websites are responsible for the instances of rape happening in Delhi. We have banned all these websites with immediate effect.”

According to inside reports, the Government is also mulling upon banning fruit vendors, banning autorickshaws, and most of all, banning Youtube videos in recent future.

We wish to say this to the policymakers: Banning online taxis is not the solution. At this rate, you will run out of things to ban and the rapes will continue as they do now. Need of the hour is to MAKE A STATEMENT. To send the message across that rapists will not walk free, that we will hunt them down from whichever corner of the country they are hiding in, and that they will not be able to touch a person, let alone think about rape ever again. Rape is and has always been a sin. It is time we made people stand up and realize that! Please for once, do something sensible.

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Concept: Milind Singla


About the author

Kumar Pratik

Exorcist, Demonologist, and Master of the Dark Arts. Just kidding. Part of NTMN since May 2011 and Editor-in-Chief from 2013 to 2014.

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