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RSS convinces govt to launch kushti classes for men to improve safety of women in India


After enforcing a strictly vegetarian meal at IIT Delhi with an HRD directive, the RSS has manipulated cajoled convinced the Indian Government to launch another indigenous initiative, this time for improving the safety of women in India. The initiative, like its predecessor Swacch Bharat Abhiyan, will transfer one more government responsibility from its 56‐inch chest to the strong shoulders of 1.2 billion of the world’s poorest people.

“Pahalwaan samaaj, rakhe naari ki laaj”

Indians have long had a dismal record of women’s safety. The new initiative, Surakshit Bharat Abhiyan, also dubbed as the Kushti Seekho Abhiyan encourages Indians to devote two hours a week to Kushti (Indian wrestling). The RSS Government believes that if each Indian can become an amateur Pahalwaan (wrestler), then they can fulfil Bapu’s dream of a nation where women feel safe.

kushti_wrestling

KSR, Kushti Social Responsibility should be made mandatory for companies: RSS

The slogan for the mission will be: Pahalwaan samaaj, rakhe naari ki laaj. Loosely translated, it means: A wrestler society, defends the honour of its women. It will be launched during Chat Pooja. The winning entry for the design symbol of this latest movement was submitted by a 23 year old member of Durga Vahini from Nagpur. Ganga Joshi drew a black & white figure of the langot (a traditional tight undergarment worn by Indian wrestlers).

Akshay Kumar to inaugurate by giving a dhobi pachaad to Shakti Kapoor

For the opening ceremony, Bollywood stars Akshay Kumar & Shakti Kapoor have been invited to the Delhi Bus Depot. After the Akhada Poojan at 11:27 (as per the auspicious hour calculations); it is believed that Akshay Kumar will give an eve‐teasing Shakti Kapoor a dhobi pachaad (a famous wrestling move). This will be followed by the Minister of Women & Child Development replicating and practising the dhobi pachaad move on Shakti Kapoor and other volunteers of the RSS.

RSS Chief: Karate and Kung Fu strengthen Chinese ecnonomy; Kushti is our secret weapon

The RSS chief has warned that under no circumstances must Karate or Kung‐Fu be substituted for Indian kushti. “As everyone who has seen Bruce Lee movies knows, those are Chinese martial arts. Our jawans are dying at the Chinese border. Learning Karate and Kung‐Fu further strengthens the Chinese economy. Did Bheem need Kung‐Fu to tear Duryodhana’s thighs?” thundered the RSS chief of Aurangabad.

Paani Bachao Abhiyan in the making?

In related news, inside reports suggest that Government may soon launch Paani Bachao Abhiyan. “Indians are deeply embarrassed that even though they can send a rocket to Mars, India does not have enough drinking water. But have Indians ever paused to think that Indians drink far too much water? Everywhere you go, Indians are always offering each other water. In offices, in homes, even to strangers such as the courier boys. The government believes this wastage of water must stop. If our mothers and sisters can survive without water on Karvachaut, why can’t all Indians?” a high ranking officer said on condition of anonymity.


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Rahul Tendulkar

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