#India The Weekly Review

On Afzal’s execution and Arindam’s defamation

The President, the Chopper, and the IIPM—a review of the week's news

While groups of “patriots” celebrated and distributed sweets because apparently men being hanged are a matter of joy, a picturesque valley up north spent day after day under curfew. While an emotional Chief Minister “wept” all over the front page on behalf of his people, an intelligent Home Minister proudly showed his IQ levels by assuring that the family had been informed of the execution. Yes, the week began with a speed post that reached on time—yes you heard it right; it reached within four days as promised on the India Post website. The problem was, the news reached faster.

So, justice served = nation happy. The joy some people showed over the death of an individual was simply appalling. Human rights groups were quick to make their own point; they called for abolition of death penalty, but they were rejected as “traitors who are sympathetic to Afzal Guru”. Amidst the clamour, out came Pranab Mukherjee with four more mercy pleas rejected, showing us that the Rashtrapati Bhawan is more about sitting over mercy petitions and travelling the world at the cost of a public-sponsored fat package of pay and perks.

The Home Minister describing how sincerely he had told Afzal's family well in advance.

The Home Minister describing how sincerely he had told Afzal’s family well in advance.

Our government never fails to amuse us. People don’t have proper means to travel to their workplace, yet here our politicos managed to pull large chunks of under-the-table money from a helicopter deal. The best part was the involvement of an “Italian” firm and the way Italy refused to share any documents regarding the deals. Italy was probably saying, “Arrey India babu, itne din kahan the? Help yourself!” Months India spent after promising an inquiry last year; but as soon as Italy arrested the perpetrators on its own land, the government realized that its pants had been pulled down. This being the Valentine’s Week, the Congress requested its lover CBI to pull up those pants—the same CBI which has a reputation of keeping the Congress’s pants up and shirt tucked in. Yes, isn’t the CBI always too generous to the ruling party for having gifted it the power of autonomy!

Talking of Valentine’s Day, you would do well to be informed that one of the most serious causes of rape is Valentine’s Day. This has been announced in a path-breaking discovery by some (anti-)social scientists of a Hindu group called Hindu Janajagruti Samiti in Goa. We hope that they will do further research to find out how come rapes take place all over the year even though Valentine’s Day is a one-day affair.

The Holiest of the Holy Cows

The Holiest of the Holy Cows

Oh, and the biggest news of the week. The IIPM dared to think beyond filing lawsuits. 73 webpages were spared wild million-dollar-lawsuits for “grave harassment and injury” caused by “libelous, slanderous and some-heavier-articulate-adjectives” articles. Instead, the URLs were just… blocked. These pages had apparently mentioned some You-Know-Whos—IIPM and Prof. Arindam Chaudhari. As if Arindam’s “Larger Than Life” advertisements were not enough to convince people of IIPM’s “authenticity”, the DoT thought that some minor webpages had the power to be “Larger Than Ads” and mislead IIPM’s fans. And to ensure that these webpages don’t spoil the IIPM’s ad-earned notoriety, the DoT chose to malign these websites’ hard-earned reputations.

Surely, these days, hurting the sentiments of the non-existent religion called Arindamism has far bitter consequences than hurting the true religions. There sure are good placements at IIPM; just go there and you’ll surely get a Google search job there—you’ll be paid millions if you can find webpages that ridicule IIPM.

(inputs: Satat Mishra and Aashish Aryan)

About the author

Tanay Sukumar

I founded this website in 2009. I served as Editor-in-Chief from November 2009 to May 2013.
My blog

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