An organization called People and Psychology Unit (PAPU) has conducted a survey across the nation to study the negative effects of TV viewing on Indian women. While to some, the findings of the survey seem quite shocking, to others, it is a mere confirmation of pre-existing doubts.
Symptoms of STAR: Are you suffering from it too?
The report published by PAPU suggests that women who spend too much time viewing such shows may develop certain symptoms which include overreaction, sudden tear burst, talking to oneself with elaborate expressions, triple-slap attack and a science-defying non-ageing. With advancements in science and technology being blamed for the development of this syndrome by making these shows easily accessible, victims find themselves irrevocably hooked.
One can easily identify them by following some traces they leave such as bookmarks of links to Youtube channels on their PCs, nose-prints on their phones and TV memory full of recording of the entire week’s show. Recently, they have also developed a tendency to stay in groups and discuss the never ending plots of their favorite shows at the top of their voices in public places.
This study is being viewed by some to be a 21st century counterpart of 1977 groundbreaking research which proved early exposure of violence while TV viewing encourages aggressive behavior in children.
Mothers get snoopy, suspecting serious plot twists in real life as in the soap-operas
Ayush Saxena, whose mother has been diagnosed with STAR shared his experience with us. “I knew something was wrong. I once caught my mother going through my things while I was supposed to be away. On demanding an explanation, she told me she had reasons to believe that I was cheating on my fiancé with an older woman just like Dhruv in Jee Le Zara. Will someone please tell me who is this Dhruv and why is he feeding lies to my mother?”
Ekta says vamps, drama-queens and plastic surgeons are real characters
Ekta Kapoor, the television mogul who gave us the (in)famous K-series, is being alleged as the mastermind behind this situation. She defended herself when we tracked her down, “STAR is real. You see it in real-life too. There are vamps everywhere, as are drama-queens and plastic surgeons. All families have melodramatic people, ready to give long lectures and speeches on aadarsh and sanskar and crap like that, wouldn’t you agree?” And with that she marched off to oversee the shoot of her hit serial Bade Achhe Lagte Hain which is rumored to have a big twist coming up later this week with one of the mother-in-laws resurfacing from the dead.
Protests have already begun
Meanwhile, a group of people have managed to squeeze in a spot for themselves among the already abundant protests at Jantar Mantar to express their agitation against this yet another petty issue. Apparently, some people are just waiting on their laurels for the smallest controversy to go out and protest in the public.
The PAPU team in collaboration with the Government is working day and night to identify all those suffering from this condition including Indian men and children who may have become vulnerable with extreme exposure. The project is being termed as STAR Parivaar Yojana (SPY).
We also hear that Rahul Gandhi applied for a post in the PAPU team, with a CV that only had his nickname on it: Pappu. The application was duly rejected.