Arun Maithani, August 2, 2011

Always wanted to visit the romantic Venice? Your dream may soon be a reality, thanks to an ambitious project being planned by the Municipal Corporation of Delhi. Officials have confirmed discussions on a brilliant draft on the plans to “Venicify” Delhi this monsoon season.

“There were talks of making a Shanghai out of Mumbai, so why should we be far behind?” an official with knowledge of the matter said. “We will make a Venice out of Delhi this rainy season.”

“The people of Delhi always keep complaining,” another official said. “They complain about the dirty roads, poor hygiene conditions, horrid traffic and whatnot! This constant complaining has put us in introspection mode. Yes, we admit there are a few minor problems, but instead of complaining or passing the buck, we at the MCD have decided to exploit these problems to our advantage… You see, if the brook can’t pass over the mountain, it has to pass under it!”

A copy of the draft, which is in our possession, shows that the MCD’s plan for the city is quite simple. Since the potholes are covered with irreparable roads (and not the other way round), the sewers are choked and the drainage system is older than Bollywood superstar Dev Anand, it is of no use to try and mend things. With the arrival of the monsoon, life for Delhiites is only going to be a lot more miserable. Taking cognizance of the existing and resulting problems, the MCD has planned to let rain water fill up the roads and lanes.

With this, the municipal corporation plans a literal channelising of resources. The first official quoted earlier said: “We are fully prepared for this monsoon. We have already warned our zonal officers against the use of pumps for clearing water from roads, streets and lanes. There will no longer be traffic disruptions due to cave-ins, waterlogging and fallen trees. No accidents, no road rage, no jams! Travelling by boat will also reduce pollution levels and the city’s carbon footprint.”