Brototi Roy and Kumar Pratik, September 1, 2012

Bengaluru-based researchers have found conclusive proof that the Indian habit of “perpetually being late” might be a genetic phenomenon, and not merely a lifestyle trend.

The study was carried out after the prime minister recently turned up late at a global convention, and received heavy criticism from the global press. In their report, the researchers said the only thing in India that starts on time is cricket matches, “maybe because the umpires are not Indians”.

The researchers took blood samples from 789 Indians with diverse backgrounds, job profiles and locations to study them. They compared these samples with an equal number of samples of American, Australian and British blood.

“I knew we were working on something substantial when all the Indian volunteers arrived 15 minutes late of the scheduled time at the research centre,” said one of the four research scholars involved in the study. The report was released two months after it was scheduled.

Ajmal Kasab, the terrorist who attacked the Mumbai shores a few years ago, has backed the claims. “By the time the Indian government finally hangs me, I could produce my very own cricket team of kids,” he said.

Acting swiftly on the report, the government has promised to ask biotechnologists to find a cure for this “disease”. For now, students at government universities and staff at government offices will be allowed to reach up to 45 minutes late. Exceptions can be made if a “genetic report” is produced at the time of entering the class or office, a minister said.

#GeneticProblemHaiYaar was among the top five global trends on Twitter last week. A user even apologised to Nestle for criticising Maggi 2-minute noodles in the past.

The study was released a month ago, but the author happens to be Indian.