Aashish Aryan, June 1, 2013

Delhi University, quite (in)famous for its inhumane cut-off lists every year, has gone one step further and done the unthinkable by denying admission to Ganesha, son of Shiva himself.

Bholenath, as he is known in social circles, was in for a shocker, when Shri Ram College of Commerce rejected his son Ganesha, citing that he had failed to clear the cut-off and hence, could not be admitted under any circumstances.

A year ago, after Shiva and Parvati had decided to put Ganesha in a school to restrain his leisurely activities. They filled out the forms, and thanks to some jugaad from a tout, Ganesha was able to secure direct admission to the Class 12. For college, the family had zeroed in on the famous Shri Ram College of Commerce, named after a family friend from Ayodhya.

The entire kingdom of Gods waited anxiously for the board exam results. They were all on cloud nine, literally, when they learnt that the kid had scored a sublime 92%, especially taking into consideration the fact that he had not touched his books and notes for over a thousand years. But this joy was short-lived, as he could not clear the cut-off lists of SRCC.

The college principal told us: “This funny looking guy, with six-pack abs and a snake slung over his neck walked in with his son, seeking admission for him. I do not know how they got past the security. I freaked out, but politely requested him to check for his son’s name in the cut-off lists.”

At this, the father allegedly let out a thunderous roar, and claimed that his son had scored very good marks, and that he was very proud of the boy’s efforts.

Lord Shiva said to us: “This is preposterous, I smell some foul-play here. How can human beings achieve such extraordinary marks that not even a God could scale them? How can the cut-off begin at 98% and end at just 95% over the course of three lists? I will destroy this world. Tell that to your SRCC!”

Later, a fax to the college, which said it came from the God’s office, said: “General Secretary, Mr. Bhole Nath has decided that now, admissions to heaven too will be conducted on the basis of cut-off lists. Exams will be conducted for the same and men and women will be tested on their general awareness about the 33 crore Hindu gods. Mr. Bhole Nath has also indicated that the cut-offs may be as low as 105%.”

The fax has sent waves of panic among the more religious of professors and teaching assistants, but the Delhi University vice chancellor has dismissed it as “a silly prank by some upset parent”.