Khyati Sharma, June 4, 2015

After Maggi was found to have unsafe lead content, a milkmen’s association has called the instant noodles the first product ever to manage more milawat than their milk.

“We are awed and inspired by Maggi,” the national group said in a statement. The doodhwaalas said they are inspired by this new market challenge and have discovered a role model in Maggi.

Kids all over India are heartbroken after the ban on Maggi, but the doodhwalas are excited that the possibilities of finding material to add to milk are endless. Lead is the newest member of the list that has traditionally included water, detergent, acid, urea and starch.

“Humein toh sasura vishwas hi nahi ho raha isss baat pe,” Ram Lochan, a milkman for the last three generations, told NTMN. “So many talented people are there in this country! This is not milawat, but milawat ka baap.”

Milkmen are learning from the events, but some people involved with the government’s midday scheme are confident that they are worse. “No big MNC can match our standards, nobody can go beyond what we serve,” said one. “Ill-health at its best is our motto. What chemical can be worse than live lizards and roaches in food? There is no contest.”

We approached Maggi’s manufacturers for a comment, but we gave up after being told this several times: “Just wait for two minutes, we will answer all your questions.”