Tushar Kaushik, July 15, 2015

In keeping up with his policy of visiting foreign nations where no PM has gone before, Prime Minister Narendra Modi will visit Pluto next month.

The move was finalized after a cabinet meeting here on Wednesday. According to a source, there was much brainstorming to decide the next location the PM should visit.

But why Pluto?

The announcement has prompted many to wonder what the PM could possibly accomplish by visiting a frozen wasteland. Pluto has no nation, and hence no government. It doesn’t even have any population, not even of the Indian diaspora.

A minister who attended the meeting said, “Pluto is extremely important for India due to its strategic location. Just like China is flexing its muscles over the South China Sea, we too want to assert our authority over the lands of Pluto, which don’t belong to any one country.”

“Pluto has also many important resources which can be tapped into,” said a BJP spokesperson. On asking what these resources were, he answered, “Well, one of Pluto’s moons, Charon, contains water, we can use that, Pluto is also covered with frozen Nitrogen, which is so scarce on Earth.”

Reacting to allegations from opposition parties about the Prime Minister’s frequent trips abroad, the spokesperson said, “They always say Modiji makes these trips for his leisure, and term these trips as a ‘vacation’. But this time, they can’t say that. Who in their right mind would choose Pluto for a vacation? This is going to be a tough trip for the PM. He would have to adapt to sub-zero temperatures, eat only frozen food, and fight depression. I don’t think anyone in the country has even seen such conditions, let alone reside in them.”

Pluto Yoga?

If sources are to be believed, with the PM trying his best to make Yoga a global phenomenon, he intends to become the first human to do Yoga on Pluto to make it a universal phenomenon. “He probably wouldn’t be able to do the Surya Namaskar properly, because Pluto does not get that much sunlight,” a minister said.