Shridhar Kurlageri, September 14, 2015

A ban on Hollywood films is the latest in India’s series of bans and the government hopes it will bring down the incidents of rape and sexual assault.

The decision followed research by a government think-tank, which found that Hollywood films are a key reason behind the rising number of rapes in India. The government has taken swift action upon this revelation and has banned all Hollywood films from theatres.

“Hollywood films promote rape because they lead to an increase in the consumption of chowmein and girls start wearing revealing clothes like salwar kameez and burqa,” said an official in the information and broadcasting ministry. “Phenomena like co-educational schools, Valentine’s Day and eating non-vegetarian food during the month of Shravan are also reasons that are directly attributable to Hollywood.”

Apart from the ban on films, the government is planning some other bans to prevent rapes:

Meat ban during the month of Shravan: The logic is that consuming only vegetarian food during the holy month of Shravan would purify the soul and keep sexual thoughts at bay for the whole year, sources said.

Ban on chowmein: Upon the advice of a khap panchayat leader, a ban on chowmein for six days a week is on its way. It will be available in restaurants only on Sundays. This one day of laxity is likely because of the popularity of chowmein among the youth, a key vote bank, an adviser to the health minister said.

Ban on Valentine’s Day: February 14 will instead be celebrated as a second Raksha Bandhan, to provide girls another chance to tie rakhis to boys who were successful at avoiding them on Raksha Bandhan. The more rakhis the girls tie, the lesser their chances of getting raped.